Top 5 Celebrity Deaths Of 2009
The New Year is a time for reflection, and we here at Celeb Jihad have a saying “Durka durka Muhammad tuck tuck jihad Allah” which loosely translates to “The only good celebrity is a dead celebrity”.
So let us take a moment to reflect on the top 5 celebrity deaths of 2009. Allah willing 2010 will be another banner year for celeb mortality rates.
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#5 Brittany Murphy – The most recent celebrity death, Brittany Murphy starts off our list at #5. Bug-eyed and at least slightly psychotic Brittany Murphy would be more likely to get pepper sprayed than a friendly smile while walking down the street if she was not famous. However, because people have seen her in a few movies she was perceived as “quirky” and “cool”. Hopefully those fans of her’s act just as “quirky” as she did by overdosing in the shower post haste. |
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#4 DJ AM – First off the man was a DJ. He made insane amounts of money for putting his iPod on shuffle in clubs. If you don’t want to jump up and celebrate when someone like that dies than there is something seriously wrong with you. The media ignored the glaring hypocrisy of this douchebag. He was shooting a show for MTV were he chastised kid’s for not being strong like him and quitting drugs, before going back to his hotel room and overdosing on them. What an ass! |
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#3 David Carradine – What is not to like about a celebrity death that involves a rope that is tied around the neck and genitals for autoerotic asphyxiation in a whore house in Thailand? David Carradine probably had the most embarrassing celebrity death of 2009. If only it had been someone more famous who died with a rope around their wiener like a Tom Cruise, George Clooney, or Rosie O’Donnell then it would have been tops on our list for sure. |
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#2 Tiger Woods – OK so Tiger Woods didn’t actually die this year, but his endorsement career pretty much did. And a more glorious death we have not seen in years (mainly because of all the whores). The fact that nerdy white guys absolutely worshiped Tiger because they thought he represented a hip classly minority version of themselves is funny enough. However, then to have their idol completely exposed as a relentless poon hound who has stuck it in everything from porn stars to Waffle House hostesses is down right hilarious. So much for Tiger being the epitome of a colored with class for you WASPs to worship. Don’t worry you still have Colin Powell. |
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#1 Michael Jackson – Was there really any doubt who the #1 celebrity death of 2009 would be. Michael Jackson the “King of Pop” became the “King of Death” in 2009. The intrigue around his death (whether he was murdered or not) never really interested me, beyond whether I should send a gift basket to his killer. No what made this death so great was the coming out party of all the Michael Jackson fans. What a reflection on Western culture to see the masses in hysterics over the death of a high-pitched child molester. Sure Michael had a couple catchy songs, but that was back in the 80′s. The man had spent the last 20 years trying to look like a child while fingering them, but the public reaction was like Muhammad himself had met his maker. If that isn’t a sign that Western society is doomed I don’t know what is. |
Epic like
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What you said about Brittany Murphy was just down right mean spirited, disrespectful, and cruel. Over the years she appeared to be a very warm, kind spirit with a big heart, but was said to have low self esteem issues. Why no celebrate her life and the fact that she granted a fan with cancer a four hour date with her where she talked and signed for him. There are not a lof of celebrities that would do something that kind without getting major press for it. Whatever inner demons she suffered are none of our business, especially siince we all have our own demons.
Brittany will be greatly missed, she left us too soon.
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I totally agree with Cherie. It does not matter how she appeared to be in public or what kind of movie roles she played, no one knew her personally except her family, close friends and husband. You did not know her personally. Every person, dead or alive, should be respected. BTW it is not official that she died of an overdose. Only God can judge people, it is very much disrespectful to say that. Also, the inclusion of Tiger Woods as top 5 deaths, is just plain stupid, even though its just a silly joke.
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I wonder if the Romans counted down to the New Year.
It probably went something like:
“Ex,
Eye-ex,
Vee-eye-eye-eye,
Vee-eye-eye,
Vee-eye,
Vee,
Eye-vee,
Eye-eye-eye,
Eye-eye,
Eye,
Happy New Year!”
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do you have proof about MJ?
how could you write this without telling us facts?
this is a gossip column?
he is dead, can’t you leave him alone.
one thing is for sure: you don’t know anythig about music, and particularly about the music of MJ.
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Don’t waist your breath Dalia, these idiots need people to visit the broken down site, so they say some of the most ignorant things to keep intelligent people like you and me coming back to defend the innocnet
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Intelligent people always misspell the word innocent! That is so everyone will know how smart they are!
The Ultimate Homo strikes again!
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That is correct, how do you spell Loves to have a Dick in my Ass????= Ultimate Homo, Jr. I assume!
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Dom DeLuise and Bea Arthur died too! How did Dommy D ever live to see 76?! And what kind of God would steal yet another Golden Girl from this world before her 90th birthday?
And Jett Travolta, he died too. Remember? So did Dolla. He may not have been much of a speller, but he sure could get murdered with the best of ‘em!
John Hughes died too, and so did Les Paul. One died while he walked and the other died while he rocked!
Ted Kennedy died too! Remarkably, his liver continued to function until the day his brain “cancered out.”
And last but not least, free market theory died too! It was fun while it lasted (if you were an i-banker that is).
The Ultimate Homo strikes again!
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And why don’t you do us all a HUGE favor and join them :o)
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your a fuckin siko michel jackson died as a respected man so fuckin keep it tht way rite !!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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no farrah fawcett?
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