Robert Pattinson Cancels Appearance Due to Hemorrhoids

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Actor and Twilight heartthrob Robert Pattinson was forced to cancel an appearance this afternoon due to a severe case of hemorrhoids, sources close to the actor say.

The hemorrhoids, which are rumored to be the size of ping-pong balls, are reportedly limiting Pattinson’s mobility and causing extreme discomfort.

Pattinson was scheduled to perform a vampire-themed interpretive dance at a Flint, Michigan, VFW post. The actor’s publicist announced the cancellation just twenty minutes before showtime, much to the chagrin of the dozens of local vets in attendance.

Medical experts believe that hemorrhoids can be caused by any number of factors including diet, hygiene, or the sound of thousands of fat teenage girls repeatedly screaming your name.

 

Comments

Add a comment 5 Responses to “Robert Pattinson Cancels Appearance Due to Hemorrhoids”
  1. Get well says:

    Get well soon, Robert! We love you!

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 4 Thumb down 10

    • David says:

      You are aware what a hemorrhoid is right? I’m guessing this 12 year old girl isn’t aware of anything reality wise :S

      Like or Dislike: Thumb up 5 Thumb down 1

  2. hillary clinton says:

    quit takin it the nono hole an that wont happen!!!!

    Well-loved. Like or Dislike: Thumb up 11 Thumb down 1

  3. Jabbar ibn Husayn al-Mutrah says:

    This is his curse from Allah for consuming blood!

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 3 Thumb down 2

  4. Karys says:

    Awesome pics & awesome tits !! Love Olivia Munn from hair to toe. Would love to seen her in even more andirg shoots like this & better. Thanks a lot for the awesome post. Plz continue the good work.

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

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