Obama State Of The Union Speech Leaked To The Internet

Obama State of the Union 2011



With millions of Americans still caught in the grips of a crippling recession President Barack Obama is preparing to make his 2011 “State of the Union Address” tonight. Many political pundits have speculated that Obama would focus on the economy and job creation, but CelebJihad.com has received an advanced copy of the President’s speech and it is filled with surprises.


Obama expanded his speech writing team for this year’s address picking up famed Oscars joke writer Bruce Vilanch, so not surprisingly Obama’s speech will feature quite a few pop culture references. He will open with a joke disparaging MTV’s Jersey Shore star “Snooki” for her weight and small stature (no word yet if Snooki will be in attendance at the time). Obama will then cover a few of the big celeb scandals Americans are currently dealing with, specifically the whole Charlie Sheen and his hookers thing (lets just say he has a doozy of a pun using “Two And A Half Men”)


Once America and more importantly the audience in attendance is properly warmed up, President Obama will get into the serious issues. He’ll compare America’s current economic troubles to that of Facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg’s character in “The Social Network”, and he’ll point out how Americans needs to just sit tight because “we don’t know what this thing is yet”.


President Obama will end his speech with a significant rant against the importance of birth certificates. He’ll remind Americans that they can not really be trusted and are thus not important. Obama will propose that America do away with the whole birth certificate system, and instead just take people’s word for their birthplace because “like the elders in my village use to say ‘we are all in this together’.”


Yes President Barack Obama’s 2011 State of the Union Address is going to be one for the ages. There are sure to be a lot of laughs with a few poignant moments sprinkled in. The American populace will walk away from it being thoroughly entertained.

 

  • Jo

    Obama is a dumb Muslim, i heard him say it himself.

    I guess Muslims also believe in Santa Clause and the Tooth Fairy along with Allah. When will you guys educate each other and get out of the mud hut and quick having sex with sheep.

    • Ali bin-Fuqrab

      We will as soon as you get out of the trailer park and quick having sex with your family members left-wing Democrat HONKAAAYYYYY!

  • Jakethetruth

    All the while not one issue will be resolved. What is the point of these speeches when they only lie to us and they don’t do anything they say they will do. I say put up or shut up. And I find it distasteful for him to use comedy during the time we are in. Last time I checked there are still a ton of unemployed how bout we work on that instead of making people laugh you moron.

  • IHateCelebs

    Hairplugs Biden, Purplelips Obama and Botoxface Piglosi.

    What a trio of haplessness in that picture!

    Won’t watch much of Obummer’s State of the Union because I cannot deal with the way he whistles all his “S”‘s. I’m afraid he’s going to crack my TV screen with that dogwhistle.

    I do enjoy watching his head swing left to right like a robot while he reads his teleprompter though.

  • Obongo is the presi… WTF?

    That stupid muthafucker couldn’t get elected chief goat catcher in Kenya and he is YOUR PRESIDENT! And that Gorillas in the Mist Michelle, Oh God its unbelievable.

    • Abdullah The Butcher

      I heard that Dr. Zaius was Michelle’s pediatrician.

      • Obongo is the presi… WTF?

        Dr. Zaius was her gynecologist, but I do believe that Jane Goodall read her bedtime stories.

        • Abdullah The Butcher

          Yes…Jane did read her stories. I also know that Michells’s cousin Bonzo made it big in the movies.

          • theheadchimp

            Yo Abdullah there is a famous photo in Bedtime for Bonzo that shows Ronald Reagan talking to a young Obama.

  • drdeep

    Obama is a fine example of how big of a piece of shit a muslim can be.