Michael Jackson’s Burial Canceled Due To Poor Ticket Sales

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Michael Jackson’s burial has been canceled due to poor ticket sales, a family spokesperson has said.
 
The burial had been planned for Jackson’s birthday, August 29th. But because of slumping ticket sales, investors have begun to pull their financial backing, forcing the family to postpone the service indefinitely.
 
Sources say the family is still looking for a way to maximize the profitability of Michael’s corpse while at the same time treating it with dignity and respect. Current options include:
 

  • Renting the corpse to Six Flag’s Magic Mountain for use in their annual Fright Fest
  • Melting down the corpse for use in a special limited edition set of Michael Jackson themed Precious Moments figurines
  • Just tossing it over the fence at Liz Taylor’s house

 

Comments

Add a comment 12 Responses to “Michael Jackson’s Burial Canceled Due To Poor Ticket Sales”
  1. Denise says:

    It’s sad that any clown can write a story posing it as actual news. May you reap what you sow.

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  2. Disrepectful even for him says:

    I am no Michael Jackson fan. That reporter needs fired. That was beyond sick.

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  3. Why it was really cancelle says:

    It was cancelled because, like Elvis, he’s not really dead. He was so tired of getting bashed all the time, that this is his one real comeback. IT was a huge joke to slap everyone in the face.

    He’s in hiding. This will now let his kids grow up without all the bashing . After the youngest turns 18 he will resurface and say why he did it.

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  4. Other uses says:

    They are going to mold him for other scarry faces for halloween masks.
    They are going to take his hair and put 1/4 inch peices in crystals and sell them for $10k each.
    They are going to varnish him and put him in the wax museum “as is”.
    They want to find out what is in his system to turn an african american white so they can market it.

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  5. Rush LImbaugh Diet says:

    They want to bury him after they can prove that the Rush Limbaugh diet worked too well.

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  6. Alfonso says:

    This piece of modern “Journalism” is no different then anything else flooding our front pages everyday. With two exceptions, it is funny in a sick way, and does no harm. So, it is quite unlike the propaganda and lies that main stream news has pummeled us with for the last two years. None of that was remotely funny, and we have installed tyrannical, Marxist evil in our White House as a result.

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  7. DDRC says:

    This article was distasteful

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  8. cha says:

    This ENTIRE website is distasteful

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  9. Dead Ed says:

    I like the “• Just tossing it over the fence at Liz Taylor’s house” option. The family should go with that one. Besides, with all the plastic surgery she has, MICHAEL JACKSON could give her some make up tips and… AND… She could always recycle Michael and he can be with her FOREVER… or until the DUMB BITCH dies.

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  10. Dead Ed™ says:

    My Mom always hides bad news from me. I only just found out about the death of Ronald Wilson Reagan.
    Oh well. Seeing Michael Jackson at The First Midwest Bank Amphitheatre tonight should cheer me up.

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