Kristen Stewart Confirms She Is Robert Pattinson’s Beard
Twilight star Kristen Stewart has confirmed that she is Robert Pattinson’s beard. For those who do not know a “beard” is a girl who serves as a gay man’s companion to hide his sexual orientation.
The startling revelation comes just one week after Robert Pattinson slipped up and admitted to Details magazine that he is “allergic to vagina”. In a move to save his considerable female fan base Robert Pattinson tried to use his trusty beard Kristen Stewart once again saying “It is extremely difficult but we are together, yes. We can’t arrive at the same time because of the fans”. He then went on to blame the fans for him failing to consummate the relationship adding “how am I to be expected to penetrate a vagina when we have fans all over the place?”
For her part Kristen Stewart has finally come to the realization that she is just Robert Pattinson’s beard saying “I guess that explains the strap-on and our role playing games were he calls me ‘Frank’.”
c’est quoi se delire je’ai meurt de rire
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WHAT THE HELL KIND OF STORY IS THIS?????? R/K HAVE BEEN LOVE FOR A LONG TIME; AND IT IS NOT THE PAPS OR FANS BUSINESS??? I REALLY WANT TO KNOW WHAT KIND OF DRUGS YOU STUPID REPORTERS ARE ON!!!!!!! FIRST CONGRATS TO KRISTEN FOR HER AWARDS; SECOND IF ROB TOLD THE PRESS THEY ARE TOGETHER THEN LEAVE IT AT THAT!!! BY THE WAY HE LOOKS AT KRISTEN ANYONE WITH BRAIN COULD SEE HE ADORES HER AND HAS FOR AWHILE NOW. I DIDN’T GET THE JOKE ABOUT HIS INTERVIEW EITHER WHO CARES!!!AND IF THEY HAVE BEEN INTIMATE GUESS WHAT ITS NO ONE BUSINESS BUT THEIR!! AND DOES ANYONE BELIEVE THAT KRISTEN STEWART IS GOING TO BE HIS WHAT FRANK !!!???
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The reporters? seriously? the reporters…… seriously?
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P.S. Your caps lock is on, oh or maybe… sorry… ahem…. YOUR CAPS LOCK IIISSS OOONNNN!!!! You’re welcome.
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You’re fucking retarded.
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I don’t know. Just WOW to all these people who don’t realize that this is a satirical website. Do you all think this is for real? I do, however, think that Robert Whatshisname is big time gay.
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Frank is a nice guy, seriously! (:
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beard = fag hag XD
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I am sorry to tell you all but all the twilight main characters are gay.
Rober P Gay said that he is “alergic to vagina” no real man would ever say that, unless you are gay.
Kristen Lesbian (Just had a kissing scene with Dakota Fanning for Christ sake)
Taylor L gay (Sorry to tell you all but he is gay)
You see, this is an old trick gay actors use to pass as leading men. They get a “beard” (meaning a friendly female person willing to pass a love or sexual partner, just to full the public) In the case of Robert he uses Kristen (oh, I guess the use each other to pass as straight) Taylor on the other hand uses Taylor Swift for a cover.
Why? Money, money money.
The Twilight movies generate billions of dollars for the studios and for the actors. (as long as all those teenagers keep believing the fairy tale love story. Trust me, if all those fans ever got a hint that those three are gay, or if the actors ever came out of the closet all of the sudden, the losses would be huge. for all involved. If they ever come out of the closet, it will be years after all the twilight movies are completed.
I know that day is coming. Mark my words, five years after the last Twilight movie is release one or all of them will be out of the closet. (either that or they will continue hinting that they are gay until, like Tom C it becomes just common knowledge to all.)
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I am sorry to tell you all but all the twilight main characters are gay.
Rober P. Gay said that he is “alergic to vagina” no real man would ever say that, unless you are gay.
Kristen S. Lesbian (Just had a kissing scene with Dakota Fanning for Christ sake)
Taylor L. gay (Sorry to tell you all but he is gay)
You see, this is an old trick gay actors use to pass as leading men. They get a “beard” (meaning a friendly female person willing to pass as a love interest or sexual partner, just to full the public) In the case of Robert, he uses Kristen (oh, I guess they use each other to pass as straight) Taylor on the other hand uses Taylor Swift for a cover.
Why? Money, money money.
The Twilight movies generate millions of dollars for the studios and for the actors. (as long as all those teenagers keep believing the fairy tale love story.
Trust me, if all those twilight fans ever got a hint that those three are gay, or if the actors ever came out of the closet all of the sudden, the losses would be huge (for all involved).
If they ever come out of the closet, it will be years after all the twilight movies are completed.
I know that day is coming. Mark my words, five years after the last Twilight movie is released, one or all of them will be out of the closet. (either that or they will continue hinting that they are gay until, like the Tom C situation where it is just common knowledge to all that he is a big closeted gay guy.)
Not that there is anything wrong with that…
I just don’t like big lies …. for money.
But, of course, the twilight fans are just that, fanatics. They will never see the lie even when the lie is so clear and open for all to see.
Robert has a male companion, right?. The same way that decades ago, they use to call guys who never married “confirmed bachelors”. You see, the confirmed bachelor lie, began to fail in the mid-eighties so the new solution was to get a “beard”.
That is why Michael Jackson married the daughter of Elvis.
Open your mind!
Wake up!
Think, all of Michael Jackson children were carried to term by surrogates. The sperm used to inseminate them came out of other men he knew.
Why?
one he was gay,
and two, he wanted white children.-Yes, he was a self-hating black guy… also a creep.
That’s all. I know you guys will never wake up but I had to try.
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