Kourtney Kardashian is pregnant with Satan’s baby

People Magazine is reporting that “Kim Kardashian is going to be an aunt,” which is a hilariously backhanded way of saying that her older sister Kourtney is expecting her first child.

What must it be like to play second fiddle to a girl who probably can’t spell “fiddle?”

If the child is a boy, Kourtney should name it “Fredo,” in honor of Fredo Corleone, Michael Corleone’s no-talent older brother in The Godfather. Kourtney is to Kim what Fredo is to Michael. It’s an analogy, people! Remember the SATs? Oh, never mind.

No word yet on who the father is, but we’re going to go out on a limb and say it’s Satan, Prince of Darkness. If you’ll remember, Satan fathered a few of Anna Nicole Smith’s kids before she decided to take a dirt nap. Here’s hoping it turns out better for Kourtney, I guess.

Note: We couldn’t fit both Kourtney’s face and chest into the picture, so we cropped out her head and placed it next to her chest. Pretty smart, huh?