Justin Bieber’s Tips for Surviving Puberty
Puberty is a difficult time for most teens. Acne, cracked voices, and strange new feelings can make life extremely awkward. But at the end of the day, puberty is simply your body’s way of growing from a child to an adult. Besides, it happens to everyone….even teen heartthrob Justin Bieber!
That’s right, even Justin faces the challenges associated with puberty. And he wants to let all his fans know that if he can get through it, so can you. That’s why Justin sat down with us to share his wisdom on the subject! So, without further ado, here are Justin Bieber’s tips for surviving puberty.
1. Your balls are gonna grow all big and shit, so make sure to buy yourself some bigger drawers, yo.
2. Your pits are gonna stink like my manager’s finger after one of our “coaching sessions.” So be sure to get some Axe for your pits.
3. If you start having a wet dream, ride that shit out. I had a wet dream with Usher in it and it was fantastic!
4. When dating a girl, the urge to explore her body is perfectly natural. I recommend using a hunting knife for exploring those hard to reach places, like the spleen.
5. It’s not a good idea to squeeze or pick at pimples. This practice only makes the acne worse. Try willing them away with the healing power of Kabalah.
6. Sometimes, for no reason, your penis will get hard. Just think about girls and it will go away.
7. During puberty, it’s important to develop your own look. Keep up with the latest fashions and hairstyles by checking magazines like Cosmo and Ranger Rick.
8. Girls who are on their periods should stay within an airtight container for the duration of their menstruation. Vampires can smell that shit a mile away.
9. A girl’s breasts will begin to develop generally between the ages of 8 and 11, so make sure to tap that ass before then. Titties be gross.
10. It’s completely normal to have homosexual thoughts during puberty…at least that’s what Nick Jonas told me during that unforgettable night in Orlando.