John Mayer Plans Kinky Sex With Taylor Swift

Taylor Swift John Mayer



Singer, song writer, and cocksman John Mayer has made quite a name for himself turning famously innocent female celebrities into dirty little sex pots. He allegedly introduced the joys of anal love making to the likes of Jessica Simpson, Jennifer Aniston, and Jennifer Love Hewitt. John Mayer also claims he will only date a girl who gives in completely to his every sexual desire.


Well old John has his sights firmly set on his next conquest, 19-year-old singer Taylor Swift. John contacted Taylor back in March to perform a duet with him. That is John Mayer code for a blowjob, but Taylor misunderstood and actually went to record a song. They have been close ever since, and were just seen getting cozy at a private table at Il Ristorante di Giorgio Baldi in Santa Monica.


No doubt John Mayer has plans to violently penetrate every one of Taylor’s orifices (if he has not already done so). Taylor Swift is about to get a lesson in kinky sex from a master. I suggest she keep up on her stretches to stay limber, and maybe google a few terms like “rusty trombone“, “angry dragon“, and of course the “glass bottom boat“.

 

  • mike

    FUCK YOU! John Mayer will never get Taylor Swift!

    AND FUCK YOU FOR TALKIN SHIT!

  • jesus christ

    i knew hed get to her eventually.

  • haha

    hahaha This article was funny! Well, I guess Swift likes bad boys. All girls do. They’re more adventurous and they can show you more fun. Unlike the ‘inexperienced’ Lautner. lol

    Don’t get too upset TSwift fans. She’s an undercover freak! Remember that statement?? The quietest are the most wild! She has to make herself look pleasing and nice so parents will continue to buy their kids stuff. Everyone has freak in them, and they need someone to do that. Mayer will do a good job, if he says so…

    • youallareidiots

      agreed

    • WannabeMrsLautner

      Taylor Lautner is inexperienced?! I love inexperienced guys. Now that just made me want to shag him even more now. Inexperienced guys are easy to excite coming from a boring girl like me. Now Taylor Swift she’ll need two other people in bed to excite this guy.lol

  • youallareidiots

    These are joke articles not to be taken seriously, if you take them seriously you should have the computer taken away from you, because we already have enough stupid people on the internet.

  • VintageStardust

    What a load of Bullshit!!!!!

  • Asdf

    Taylor swift is 20, not 19

  • princess gabinete

    your dont have the right to do that.. she’s my idol.. Im her Fan..

  • YamahaD36

    Whoever wrote this article needs to
    1. Go get doused in holy water.
    2. Realize that Taylor Swift in no way deserves to be involved in such a trashy article.
    3. Fucking shoot yourself in the face.

    Taylor Swift is a saint so FUCK YOU.

  • Rod

    Unfortunately, John is trying to make a move on Taylor. He came up with a duet to sing with her? He seems to be her BFF now? He travels all around the country to hang out with her? Guys don’t do that unless they want something..But she probably is a virgin, so he is playing it slow. He is 32, and she is 19, and he is a scumbag! He is what his reputation is, he did not change his ways for Taylor,
    a Tiger doesn’t change his sripes. He is who he has always been. Mark my words, he is trying to get in her pants and pop her cherry. Hope she has an older girlfriend who can wise her up about her “guy friend”.

  • michelle

    She’s 20. Not 19.

  • s.a.m.

    I cannot get enough of this article! It’s hilarious!! John Mayer is a horndog, so expect it. He’s always going to get girls on his *****. Taylor Swift will love him. I doubt she’s a virgin Rod. She writes provacative lyrics that are coated with her autotuned sweet voice. Remember Tim McGraw: “Just a boy in a Chevy truck; That had a tendency of gettin’ stuck; In backroads at night.” I doubt she gets the truck gets stuck and all they did was talk about her dreams and his dreams. And her song Hey Stephen: “Mmm..I can’t help myself.” Erm…she sounds like she’s touching her little bean. I just can’t wait for Mayer to spill the beans; as he did with Aniston. I’d like to hear what he did to her…and I’m sure America would love that! Beware parents!!! Take your kids away from her! She’s the devil! LOL

  • john

    John mayer is a douchebag.Taylor swift can do so much better than him!

  • fisch

    you’re a retard for writing this. you don’t know either one of them. are you just going to suck celeb’s dick your whole life? you really find celebs this interesting, don’t you…

    • Ammamaria

      Keep em coming you all do such a great job at such Concepts can’t tell you how much I, for one aipcerpate all you do!

  • Poppy

    Hahaaaa Lol this is sensationalist bullshit-but does that mean I get Taylor Lautner??!!??!?!? Haha whoever thought this was real needs to get a grip!

  • billyraycyrus

    taylor is only into selena gomez

  • Marleyfest2010

    I just read this I like both their music I’m a fan of both but damn John Mayer is a pothead do you guys think maybe taylor is messing with drugs … Well duh she’s only famous. Bahahahaha

  • Carly

    I think John Mayer is just missunderstood and if Taylor swift agrees to it then it’s her fault to, right? Also, John Mayer is single so he can do what ever he wants, if he was married it would be different.

  • trueman

    you going out me

  • dan

    John busted it wide open.. Think shes a little mad about it now? LOL John has some game!

  • Boot-Blow-Or-GTFO

    she sounds like she’s touching her little bean. I just can’t wait for Mayer to spill the beans

    to much beans?

  • jlo

    HA! Look who was right!
    Taylor did get violated by John, she even wrote a song about it!!!!!!
    Good job celebjihad, you called it!

  • david n

    From ass to mouth was the plan. But shooting that load in her face, just might have been
    a-bit much for a young: ” slut in training” like ‘Taylor.

  • salmon

    Cool, skinny flat-chested bitch looks a little like a young Nicole Kidman. Hope Mayer had her walking a little bow legged after he got his fill…

  • whoever

    whether or not this story is true (which i highly doubt it is) i can not believe that anyone could write this about someone else. to completely insult their reputation and make them out to be some disgusting guy is so heartless that you people who wrote should be considering your own values. just because i have been a huge John Mayer fan for the past year or so doesn’t mean i feel i have to say this, but no one deserves that kind of publicity without their consent. whoever wrote this should be ashamed.

  • Tiffany

    Taylor can do wht she wants

  • Tiffany

    that means she can have sex if she wants

  • Steve in Ky

    Jihad is right..She was witnessed all over John Mayers lap begging him for it.He took her to a room all night..she went home next day crying she was a soiled slut. She wrote he sodomized her in her song and called it sick&twisted games. She was no virgin before that..Jonas brothers, song of Tim Mcgraw(boy got stuck in her mud at night)