Five Job Suggestions For Sarah Palin

Sarah Palin

Now that Palin’s out as governor of Alaska the media focus has shifted to what she’s going to do next. Since we know Palin is an avid reader of CelebJihad, we have kindly decided to offer her five suggestions we feel would be in her best interests (and ours).

Waitress at Applebee’s
What better place to use your down-home folksy charm to squeeze a few extra bucks out of undersexed middle-aged men? Well, other than Dennis Hof’s BunnyRanch. But hooker jokes aside, if you don’t want David Letterman making fun of your morally loose daughters on late-night TV anymore, head down to your neighborhood Applebee’s and let speeded-out truck drivers do it instead.

Ambassador to North Korea
This works for several reasons. First of all, our nation doesn’t have one so there’s an opening (and it would create a job for our economy). Second, while the North Koreans think Hillary Clinton is a “funny lady” who looks like “a pensioner going shopping” even they would have to admit that Palin is a hottie and her campaign shopping bill proves that she shops at levels exponentially higher than a pensioner. So what’s the rub? Well, they also said Hillary is “by no means intelligent.” If that’s the case then they would probably rate Palin somewhere between a vegetable on life support and Paris Hilton (which, for the record, is an incredibly tight window of brain activity levels).

Broadway Actress
What would be better than a Broadway adaptation of Fargo? A Broadway adaptation of Fargo featuring Sarah Palin as Police Chief Marge Gunderson. Think about it. She’s already got the folksy accent and small town attitude. She could even get knocked up again for the part. And who wouldn’t want to hear Palin deliver the famous line, “Oh, I just think I’m gonna barf.” It would remind us all of the moment we heard she was selected as McCain’s running mate.

Director Biotech Life Sciences Sales, Mumbai India
She doesn’t like the direction this country is going? Well Sarah, you’re a ‘love it or leave it’ type, right? Here’s your chance to leave it. Sure, you’re massively under-qualified, but you’ve got an ‘it’ factor. You’ve got pizzazz. Give it a shot. Will we miss you? You betcha. But only for the easy jokes at your expense.

Presidential Candidate, 2012
African-Americans were delighted to see a black man soundly defeat and old white man in 2008, but that would be nothing compared to seeing it happen to a foxy white woman. Years ago this was a revenge fantasy only fulfilled in the world of pornography, but should the stars align, it could be a mere three years away. Keep the faith, my brothas!

  • Iron Fister

    I’d hire her for a blow job and that’s about it.

  • Dead Ed

    I think she’s classy. She’s hotter than most Liberals I’ve seen in those “frumpy-mom-jeans”.

    This is what I find “hysterical” about the Liberal media when they talk about SP & Joe Biden: whenever JB says something absolutely, just down-right stupid, it’s always seen as “entertaining” by Liberals, “oh, that’s just ‘Joe'”. But no matter what SP says, (who’s a lot smarter than Liberals give her credit for. Just look at the economy in AK. No “wasteful spending there, no unemployment on the rise, unlike CA, IL, MI & NY. Obama never so much ran a lemonade stand), whatever this poor woman says, it’s treated like it’s the dumbest thing in the world. She can stand there & recite (without a teleprompter) The Declaration Of Independence & The UNITED STATES Constitution verbatim & Liberals would be like, “ack, pfffft, stupid…”

  • Dead Ed

    If it was up to me, Democrats would live in a zoo. What’s the problem? They’ll all have their free health care…

    • cha

      that’s tacky of you, but then again….it’s you!

  • Dead Ed

    Hey, Liberals. We don’t lower our standards. So UP YOURS!!

  • Dead Ed

    Obama doesn’t want terrorist tortured. He wants American taxpayers tortured instead.

  • Dead Ed

    “Barack ‘Saddam’ Hussein ‘Osama’ Obama” is an old Kenyan word for “James Earl ‘Jimmy’ Carter”.

    • Dead Ed

      It was a secret b4. Now he wears it on his forehead. “Look, ‘HUSSEIN’. ‘Hussein’. ‘Hussein’.

      Like a “Red Light. Green Light” game. “Not Muslim. Muslim. Muslim. Not Muslim.”

      The “Obama” circle symbol is a “sign of the easily fooled”.

  • Dead Ed

    Q: What do Osama & Obama have in common?

    A: They both have friends that bombed the Pentagon. (William Ayers & Bernadine Dorn in the 60’s. Al Queda 9•11•2001.)

  • Dead Ed
  • fattbottom

    DeadEd? Did you post all 7 of these, or did someone else use your name? I don’t care if you did, but I don’t understand.

    • Dead Ed

      Yeah, I did. It was “one of those nights”. Just pschopathic stupid thoughts. Actually they’re very true. Only comments 3 & 6 are my pschopathic stupid thoughts. Everything else is true.

  • crampon

    dead ed, all your thoughts are “pschopathic” and stupid, you dumb shit.

    • Dead Ed

      See comment 4., crampon.

      You need to slander when you have nothing intelligent to say? Your slander is just as psychopathic & stupid, DUMB MOTHERFUCKERING LIBERAL.

      nlnn nnln

  • god

    New reader here:

    I have only just discovered your site, it is mean, vicious, nasty and cruel – I love it!

  • goodstuff

    now she is doing fox stuff – no chance for 2008 – stick a fork in her, she is done

  • Estela

    another prttey good one from DA this week……8D a bit on the obscure side. My pick, 10A…a perfect mix of the false trail with a cross-reference and some tricky letter juggling.

  • Jamal Zougam

    6. sucking my cock