BREAKING NEWS: Tiger Woods Diagnosed With “Restless 3rd Leg Syndrome”

Tiger Woods

In preparation for his upcoming divorce Tiger Woods has sought the help of the medical community to justify his adulterous actions. CelebJihad has obtained an official diagnosis that found Woods is a victim of “restless 3rd leg syndrome,” a disease commonly found in men over 30 that frequently travel and engage in contact with cocktail waitresses.

The official syndrome is described as a sleep disorder characterized by 3rd leg discomfort during sleep, which can only be relieved by finding a warm pocket of strange and banging away at it. Victims of this disorder are known to be so affected that they will risk a billion dollar empire in exchange for a five-minute romp with a skanky restaurant hostess.

Woods is expected to use this diagnosis in divorce court to prove that he was not at fault in the destruction of his marriage and blame his wife, Elin, for not supporting him in his battle with the disease.

  • God

    This one even had God Cracking up. Whom ever wrote this is great!

    • Allah

      Allah is a humorless being and thus He was not amused. He who wrote this is in great danger of His wrath!

  • Dead Ed™

    Sometimes your name matches what you do.
    Stephen Ireland – played football for Ireland
    Jason Scotland – played football in Scotland
    Scott Speed – NASCAR driver
    Tiger Woods – golfer
    Cardinal Sin – Filipino archbishop of Manilla
    Usain Bolt – fastest person in the world
    God only knows what I’ll do. What does the future hold for Dead Ed?

  • Dead Ed™

    I just had an argument with a girl I know. She was saying how it’s unfair that if a guy fucks a different girl every week, he’s a legend, but if a girl fucks just two guys in a year, she’s a slut.
    So in response I told her that if a key opens lots of locks, then it’s a master key. But if a lock is opened by lots of keys, then it’s a shitty lock.
    That shut her up.

  • legendary olaotan

    nice reply