10 Fatass Oscar Winners

When you think of Oscar night, images of fake-breasted starlets in low-cut dresses and chiseled–jawed actors in tuxedos probably come to mind. On the contrary, the image of a greased up fatass being wedged into whatever outfit was available at the big-and-tall store usually isn’t associated with the Academy Awards.

But from time to time, someone who looks like they just wandered out of a Walmart parking lot manages to get past security. This year, Gabourey Sidibe, the fat girl from Precious, will waddle down the red carpet, making all the beautiful people uncomfortable. We hope she beats out all the skinny whores she’s up against. We also hope she leaves enough sweat on the stage to make James Cameron slip and do a face plant.

In honor of Gabourey Sidibe and all the non-beautiful people in Hollywood, here are ten fatass Oscar winners. Screw the skinny people!

10. Forest Whitaker – Best Actor, The Last King of Scotland (2007)

Forest Whitaker’s win was a historic moment in our nation’s history. It marked the first time that a fat black man had won an Oscar. Two years earlier, Jamie Foxx was the first black asshole to win the award.

9. Philip Seymour Hoffman – Best Actor, Capote (2006)

In 2006, noted fatass Philip Seymour Hoffman took the Best Actor spot for his role in Capote. Many feel this award was the Academy’s way for apologizing to Hoffman for snubbing his performance as Brandt in The Big Lebowski (1998)

8. Burl Ives – Best Supporting Actor, The Big Country (1958)

One of our favorite fatties on the list, Burl Ives won his Oscar way back in 1958 for a film you’ve never heard of. But, chances are you’ll remember his fatass, or at least his voice, from the Christmas classic, “Rudolph, the Red-Nosed Reindeer.” He played the weird, snowman, narrator thingy, and he did a damn good job.

7. Kathy Bates – Best Actress, Misery (1991)

Kathy Bates won her Oscar in 1991 for playing a fatass psychopath. However, we’ll always remember her as the fat old topless woman in About Schmidt (2002).

6. Hattie McDaniel – Best Supporting Actress, Gone with the Wind, 1940

If Gabourey Sidibe does with the Oscar, most people will think she’s the first fat black woman to ever do so. Well, those people will be f*cking wrong. Hattie McDaniel won an Oscar way back in 1940, and she was both fat and black. Way to go, Hattie!

5. Ernest Borgnine – Best Actor, Marty (1956)

Ernest Borgnine is our favorite fatass on this list. He’s a great actor, and he’s not afraid to go on live TV and talk about playing with himself. Also, he embraced his fatness by playing Sgt. ‘Fatso’ Judson in From Hear to Eternity (1953).

4. Francis Ford Coppola – Best Director, The Godfather: Part II (1975)

Francis Ford Coppola has won a total of five Oscars, four of which were related to The Godfather films. In our opinion, at least three of those should have been taken back after The Godfather III was released. Ha! A Godfather III joke! How timely!

3. Peter Jackson – Best Director, The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King (2004)

What list of Fatasses would be complete without the fat hobbit himself, Peter Jackson. He’s an inspiration to slobs with B.O. problems everywhere. Let’s hope District 9 beats out Avatar so we can watch Peter waddle around on stage once more.

2. Marlon Brando – Best Actor, The God Father (1972)

In 1955, when Marlon Brando won his first Oscar for On the Water Front (1954), he was one of the most handsome leading men in Hollywood. Less than 20 years later, when he won the award for his role in The God Father, time had taken its toll. We won’t even get into The Island of Doctor Moreau (1996).

1. Orson Welles – Best Original Screenplay, Citizen Kane (1942)

To be fair, when Orson Welles won his Oscar in 1942, he wasn’t a fat ass. But by the time they gave him an honorary Oscar in 1971, they had to wheel him in on a flatbed truck. But when you’re the most important figure in the history of cinema, its OK if you want to let yourself go. Speaking of, here’s a clip of Welles in his best known role.

Honorable Mention
Marie Dressler – Best Actress, Min and Bill (1931)
Charles Laughton – Best Actor, The Private Life of Henry VIII (1934)
Jane Darwell – Best Supporting Actress, The Grapes of Wrath (1941)
Shelley Winters – Best Supporting Actress, The Diary of Anne Frank (1960)

UPDATE (Thanks, Chris): Michael Moore – Best Documentary Feature, Bowling for Columbine (2003)

  • You Dumbass

    1.) It’s Citizen Kane. With a ‘K’ fucker.

    2.) Peter Jackson lost some fuckin weight.

    Do some research dickface.

    • JimmyJIhad

      One type-o and I should do research?

      And Jackson was a fat ass when he won, so fuck you!

  • Chris

    Didn’t Micheal Moore’s fatass win an completely undeserved Oscar? And I only mention him because honestly, he is probably more disgustingly fat then most people on this list.

    • Dead Ed

      Al Gore has gotten fat, too. And just like Michael Moore, his Oscar is undeserved.

      Last week he got kicked off the board of AT&T. The board members say “he’s a laughing stock” because he’s proven to be a phony with his cry of Global Warming in his FARCE documentary The Inconvenient Truth.

      It’s snowing in Dallas. Major cities along the eastern seaboard, have now seen record levels of snow. A few weeks ago, southern FL, they had very cold weather. Central FL had a freeze that damaged their orange crop. Parts of FL had received an inch of snow today. And for the 1st time, we’ve got all 50 states, including HI, have had SOME level of snow. So yes, global warming is breaking out all over the country.

      He’s becoming Obumble. Maybe Obama can’t help himself. His speeches just insist on sounding the same. And it’s all about, “me”, it’s all about, “I”, it’s all about, “#1. Oh my. Me. My. What I think. What I know. What I want. What I love. What I see.”, I mean, this is HIM. He’s sticking to his number one policies. On healthcare. Global warming. Gays in the military. The spending. “But I’m going to ‘free’ spending. Sometime next year…” Folks, FREE SPENDING? PLEASE!

  • Dead Ed

    Peter “Jackass” sucks.
    Ernest “Bovine” rules.

    Love the look on Kathy Bates’ face. You can tell she just FARTED in that hot-tub.

  • morgonzo dos

    When Francis Ford Coppola won he was extremely fit, it was not until Apocalypse Now! did he start gaining weight because he lost his mind. Watch Heart of Darkness the doc on the making of the film you might learn something rather than just hastily putting this article together. It might have been helpful if you might have researched their acceptance speeches on youtube or found their photos from the awards this might have been an interesting look at the Oscars and their weight problems.

  • hahhaha

    Looks like a lot of fat asses are offended by this article.

  • Dead Ed

    Apparently 60% of kids are overweight, and 72% of kids are having under-age sex.
    So who is fucking all the 12% of fat kids?
    That’s disgusting …

  • Dead Ed

    My nominees: and the winner is … Marked as “1)” … Duh …

    1) Inglourious Basterds
    2) Departures
    3) The Hurt Locker
    4) Drag Me to Hell
    5) Taken

    1) Quentin Tarantino- Inglourious Basterds
    2) Sam Raimi—Drag Me to Hell
    3) Kathryn Bigelow – The Hurt Locker
    4) Peter Jackson –The Lovely Bones
    5) Jason Reitman—Up in the Air

    1)  Jeremy Renner – The Hurt Locker
    2) Matt Damon – The Informant! (hate his far-left politics and anti-American smug arrogance, but he was good in this)
    3) Jeff Bridges—Crazy Heart (disliked this movie, but Jeff Bridges was really good as a washed up country singer)
    4) Sam Rockwell—Moon
    5) Liam Neeson—Taken

    1) Jennifer Aniston – Management
    2) Michelle Williams—Wendy and Lucy
    3) Shoreh Agdashloo—The Stoning of Soraya M.
    4) Saoirse Ronan—The Lovely Bones
    5) Meryl Streep—Julie/Julia (disliked this movie, but Meryl Streep really captured Julia Child to a “T,” and perhaps even exaggerated it a little)

    1)  Christoph Waltz – Inglorious Basterds 2)  Stanley Tucci – The Lovely Bones 3)  Woody Harrelson—Zombieland (normally hate him, but he was good in this) 4)  Steve Zahn—Management 5)  Michael Keaton—The Merry Gentleman

    1) Melanie Laurent – Inglourious Basterds
    2) Elizabeth Banks—The Uninvited
    3) Anna Kendrick—Up in the Air
    4) Amy Adams – Night at the Museum 2
    5) Susan Sarandon—The Lovely Bones (hate her far-left politics and smug arrogance, but she was good in a supporting role in this)

    1) Inglourious Basterds
    2) Drag Me To Hell
    3) Zombieland
    4) Duplicity
    5) Star Trek

    1) Christoph Waltz – Inglourious Basterds
    2) Jeremy Renner – The Hurt Locker
    3) Melanie Laurent—Inglourious Basterds
    4) Chris Pine—Star Trek
    5) Channing Tatum—Fighting

    Regardless who the fucking Oscar committee picks, my decisions are final.

    I don’t give a shit what the popular culture thinks.

  • Dead Ed

    Ad jingle:
    “My baloney has a first name, it’s O-S-C-A-R.” …

  • luvlife

    whoever wrote this story is an asshole and you dont have to have a thin body to have TALENT…..thats wats wrong with the world today and she probaly has more talent in her pinky than your dumbass have in your whole body.Anybody can get a website and blog all day about the negative shit they see in another person but stop and look in the mirror and blog about urself ASSHOLE!!!!!!!!

  • mr.concerned

    And i hope ur not the person on the side of everyone’s comments cuz alot of negative shit could be said about your ass and this article didnt just offend fat asses it offended people who has respect for other peoples feelings.Thats why alot of overweight people have low self esteem cuz stupid muthafuka’s like you knock them down when they try to succeed in anythang.Look at u,i no u feel uncomfortable when you walk in a place and evrybody looking at ur ass to make sure you aint got shit strapped to your chest,stupid ass………i cant believe they even gave you a website,i bet in a few more months they gone find out your website is supporting some type of organization to attack us,yall always do!!!!!!!

    • mr.concerned

      ignorance…….thumbs down!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  • Trey

    This site is so terrible for saying rude things like that.

  • PiFF

    Gabourey Sidibe is a confident woman and I respect her for being comfortable in her own skin… everyone else on the list can go eat a double cheeseburger…

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  • Abdullah The Butcher

    I am greatful to Allah for cursing infidels with overwhelming gluttony.

    Not only is it easier to shoot a fat ass kuffar; they often die from a heart attack just when us Muslims scream, “Allahu Akbar.”

    So…eat up fat bastards and prepare to die.

    Also…infidels can’t act or direct worth a shit.

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  • electrolyte supplements

    I agree with Jack on this. One wonders what goes on in some peer-reviewed’ journals these days.

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