Actor Wesley Snipes who is currently serving 3 years in federal prison for tax evasion is about to receive some good news. According to sources in Washington DC, President Barack Obama will be issuing his annual Martin Luther King Day pardon, and this year he is considering giving it to Wesley Snipes.

Obama has taken a lot of heat from the black community for not doing enough to help the plight of African Americans during his presidency. His Martin Luther King Day pardon is a way for him to give back. This year Obama has chosen Wesley Snipes because according to an aid,

“Lets face it that brother is dark. He could leave a hand print on coal. If Wesley Snipes was riding a motorcycle he’d get pulled over for having an illegal tint. What better way for the President to help black people than by pardoning the blackest one around?”

Of course the Presidential pardon does not come without a caveat. Obama is going to require that Wesley Snipes converts to Islam by tax day April 15th or risk being re-incarcerated. Our White House insider explains the reasoning behind this condition,

“As a child growing up in Kenya, Barack always took such comfort in the teachings of Islam, which he has carried with him his whole life. One of his dreams has always been to make America into a Socialist Muslim theocracy, and by forcing Wesley Snipes to convert to Islam he is getting much closer to making that dream a reality.”

What if instead of being the immoral, soul sucking, blasphemers that they are, celebrities became their names? Of course it would never happen because celebrities despise a humble pious life dedicated to the glory of Allah. Instead they wish to mock Allah and portray themselves as Gods.

However, thanks to the witchcraft of Photoshop we can envision a world were celebrities are not lauded as superiors, but rather humbled as productive members of society. Here is what it would look like if celebrities became their names.

Al Gore

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Carrie Fisher

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Dane Cook

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David Letterman

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Gary Coleman

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George Foreman

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Heath Ledger

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Jude Law

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Keira Knightley

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Kelsey Grammer

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Kevin Bacon

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Kevin Spacey

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Lance Armstrong

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Larry King

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Madonna

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Minnie Driver

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Natalie Portman

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Nick Cage

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Orlando Bloom

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Penelope Cruz

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Sigourney Weaver

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Tom Cruise

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Tori Spelling

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Wesley Snipes

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Will Smith

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Winona Ryder