Actor and probably homosexual Tom Cruise set a world record yesterday by inserting the Burj Khalifa tower in Dubai into his rectum. As you can see in the photo above Tom Cruise smiles happily as he uses the world’s largest tower as his personal sex toy.

Of course this is an blatant attack by Tom Cruise against the Muslim people. Not only is Dubai an Islamic city, but the Burj Khalifa tower was modeled after us Muslim’s enormous manhoods.

By inserting our penis tower into his ass like this Tom is sexually harassing every Muslim man. Rest assured he will pay for his crime or my name isn’t Durka Durka Mohammed!

What if instead of being the immoral, soul sucking, blasphemers that they are, celebrities became their names? Of course it would never happen because celebrities despise a humble pious life dedicated to the glory of Allah. Instead they wish to mock Allah and portray themselves as Gods.

However, thanks to the witchcraft of Photoshop we can envision a world were celebrities are not lauded as superiors, but rather humbled as productive members of society. Here is what it would look like if celebrities became their names.

Al Gore

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Carrie Fisher

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Dane Cook

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David Letterman

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Gary Coleman

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George Foreman

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Heath Ledger

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Jude Law

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Keira Knightley

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Kelsey Grammer

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Kevin Bacon

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Kevin Spacey

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Lance Armstrong

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Larry King

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Madonna

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Minnie Driver

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Natalie Portman

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Nick Cage

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Orlando Bloom

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Penelope Cruz

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Sigourney Weaver

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Tom Cruise

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Tori Spelling

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Wesley Snipes

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Will Smith

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Winona Ryder