Earlier today Nick Jonas threw on his most gay tank top and jumped on board the SS Penis for an extremely low budget gay cruise.
Nick Jonas came out of the closet, more or less, last week when he was photographed prancing around with a male purse or “murse”. Ever since then the runt of the Jonas Brothers litter has become more bold in his gayness.
Nick’s gayness is quite understandable since he has been forced to sing and act since childhood, but what is not forgivable is his cheapness. Nick Jonas is a famous celebrity with millions of dollars he should be able to afford a much more extravagant and flamboyant cruise than this.
I’m sure there is a certain appeal to a gay man being packed on a small boat with a bunch of other dudes, but wouldn’t Nick have a better time on a more spacious ship were he can run around on his tippy-toes with pink feathers trying to tickle the other boys? I mean I seriously doubt that clunker of a ship he is on has the capacity to make more than a few mojitos an hour, and I really doubt it even has a spanking station in case a boy gets too naughty.
Nick Jonas has got to realize that being gay is not easy, and you have to invest the money to do it right if you are going to be successful at it.
Well when you are wrong you are wrong, and boy was I wrong about Nick Jonas. In the past I have suggested that singing sensation Nick Jonas may in fact be a gay, which resulted in angry comments from Nick’s teen girl fans explaining to me that Nick can not possibly be gay because he is “awesome” and that they are planning on marrying him.
Needless to say that I feel pretty foolish now that I’ve seen this picture of Nick Jonas with his man-purse or “murse”. He is the picture of heterosexuality with that thing tossed over his feminine shoulders. I can pretty much guarantee that he uses it for storing firewood, ninja weapons, and shark meat and definitely not for carry around his makeup compact, lip gloss, and lube for getting railed by numerous dudes.
Yes, Nick Jonas is most definitely not gay. He is all about putting things in vaginas. Who knows maybe he’ll shove his murse up a lucky lady. He is just manly enough to do it.
Bieber's fans pose for pictures before the concert. Insert: Justin Bieber.
A Justin Bieber concert in Gary, Indiana, ended in a near riot on Sunday after dozens of fans attacked a group of men wearing Jonas Brothers tee-shirts. The violence comes amid mounting tensions between Bieber, a known “C Queen” (a female member of the Crips), and longtime Blood, Nick Jonas.
Prior to the concert, authorities feared violence would occur and subsequently closed the streets surrounding the Genesis Convention Center, deploying 75 police and two K-9 units to manage crowds during the performance.
Despite these measures, at least 13 people were arrested and one person was left hospitalized after being stabbed in the thigh with a meat thermometer. Various properties around the venue were vandalized following the concert.
Trouble began half-way through the performance when a group of Nick Jonas fans dressed in red began heckling Bieber. Bieber responded with a series of rude gestures before instructing the crowd to “light them slobs up.”
As the fighting broke out, Bieber yelled “C’s Up B’s Down,” before storming off stage.
Authorities are bracing for further violence as Bieber’s tour continues to East St. Louis on Tuesday.
A feud is brewing between teen heartthrob Justin Bieber and singing sensation Nick Jonas. Speaking to reporters outside the Four Seasons Hotel in Houston, Nick called Justin a “punk-ass nigga,” and threatened to “take her out of the box.”
Nick’s threat comes just days after Justin pledged her loyalty to the Crips, a notorious L.A. street gang. Sources close to Nick claim he is a long-time member of the Bloods, the arch rivals of the Crips. This would explain why Nick was wearing a red shirt, a color associated with the Bloods.
The Jonas Brothers were out playing football yesterday proving once and for all that they are not effeminate Marys, but rather totally butch manly type men. The brothers giggled and laughed as they tossed the ball and ran around the parking lot trying to tickle each other.
When the Jonas Brothers’ dad Ron Jonas saw the photos of his boys “playing football” he reportedly said “I’m going to the bar” probably to brag to his friends about how tough his sons are. Unfortunately Ron hasn’t been heard from since, but I think it is safe to assume he is on a celebratory bender because his son’s are so awesome.
Here are the photos of the Jonas Brothers playing football like the jocks they are and definitely not like sissy half-a-fags.
Older brother Kevin Jonas squeals and does a cheer because he is so excited to be playing football.
Middle brother Joe Jonas squats really low to receive the football.
Oh no the ball was thrown short! Joe Jonas tries to use his ballet skills to reel it in. “Nice try bro” giggled younger brother Nick Jonas
Kevin Jonas prepares his wind up to throw the ball super far.
Here he goes this one is going to be a doozy!
Kevin Jonas does a skip step forward.
Kevin launches the ball 10 feet into the air as he lets out a high pitched grunt and spins on one leg.
Younger brother Nick Jonas tries to receive the football but at the last second closes his eyes and gets hit in the face with it. The game ends as the boys all have a good cry with brother Nick.
Just days after coming out as a big time lesbian who is dating fellow Disney star Demi Lovato, Selena Gomez has apparently been overcome with the desire for man meat, and is creeping around with her ex-boyfriend Nick Jonas.
First Selena was spotted at Nick Jonas’ concert in Detroit on Saturday night crying because his music is so awful, and she has to put up with it to get laid. Then Selena was spotted with Nick again on Sunday night in Chicago sitting on a bench and acting all heterosexual.
This can only mean one thing. Selena Gomez is now bisexual, and she is cheating on Demi Lovato with Nick Jonas because he is the most effeminate guy she knows. Poor Demi is going to be heartbroken when she finds out, but if she is going to be a lesbian it is better she learns now not to date bi chicks because they always end up leaving in the end for a guy.
In case you haven’t heard the shocking news, Clay Aiken “admitted” he’s gay. Next thing you know Barack Obama is going to “admit” he’s a Muslim, or I’m going to “admit” that Celebjihad.com isn’t funny. EVERYONE KNOWS!
When a man named ‘Clay’ who looks like a cross between Billie Jean King and K.D. Lang decides to “come out of the closet” it’s pretty much the opposite of shocking. However, throughout the years there have been a few even less shocking revelations. CelebJihad.com has complied them for you. Enjoy.
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1993 – Rock star Kurt Cobain reportedly “not in a very good mood right now.” |
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1957 – Nat King Cole acknowledges that he is, in fact, black. Housewives across the country are shocked, yet strangely curious. |
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1979 – Visionary George Lucas tells Time Magazine: “I don’t really have a plan for this thing. I’m kind of just making it up as it goes along.” |
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1991 – Michael Jackson admits he’s been paying a group of renegade genetic engineers to slowly turn his face into a rat’s vulva for the past 20 years. |
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2017 – George Bush finally admits it: “I do hate black people.” Adds Bush, “They’re just so loud!” |
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1995 – O.J. Simpson admits to killing Naked Gun franchise. |
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2012 – Miley Cyrus admits she is not a virgin and has been sucking cock since she was 13. |
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2012 – Nick Jonas admits he is not a virgin and has been sucking cock since he was 13. |
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2008 – Sarah Palin admits her baby’s retardation is the result of partying with crack-smoking Inuits. |
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2005 – Paris Hilton admits you could drive a dump truck through her cunt. |
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2009 – Dane Cook, in tears, admits he’s not funny at all. |
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1995 – Christopher Reeve finally admits to himself that he’s not Superman. |
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1988 – Madonna admits, “I really, really hate my dad.” |
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2009 – R Kelly mistakenly confesses to a reporter that “If they are old enough to pee they are old enough for me.” |
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2007 – Michael Vick admits he’s more of a cat person. |
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2008- Lindsay Lohan admits she digs dudes without penises. |
