What if instead of being the immoral, soul sucking, blasphemers that they are, celebrities became their names? Of course it would never happen because celebrities despise a humble pious life dedicated to the glory of Allah. Instead they wish to mock Allah and portray themselves as Gods.
However, thanks to the witchcraft of Photoshop we can envision a world were celebrities are not lauded as superiors, but rather humbled as productive members of society. Here is what it would look like if celebrities became their names.
Al Gore
Carrie Fisher
Dane Cook
David Letterman
Gary Coleman
George Foreman
Heath Ledger
Jude Law
Keira Knightley
Kelsey Grammer
Kevin Bacon
Kevin Spacey
Lance Armstrong
Larry King
Madonna
Minnie Driver
Natalie Portman
Nick Cage
Orlando Bloom
Penelope Cruz
Sigourney Weaver
Tom Cruise
Tori Spelling
Wesley Snipes
Will Smith
Winona Ryder
Madonna (Left) | Vaginal Pessary (Right)
Madonna has reportedly inked a seven-figure endorsement deal with Hiltex, Inc., the world’s largest supplier of vaginal pessaries. A pessary is a small plastic or silicone medical device which is used for vaginal support and to offer a solution to incontinence and/or prolapse in older women.
“Madonna doesn’t want to slow down just because she’s over 50,” said Hiltex spokesperson Janet Lamar. “And nothing will slow you down faster than your well-worn uterus falling out on stage. That’s why Madonna only uses Hiltex brand vaginal pessaries, the pessary designed specifically for today’s older modern woman on the go.”
Madonna eating the leg of an adopted African child.
Madonna has put a lot of things in her mouth, but NYC Pizza isn’t one of them.
Apparently the pop star who is best known for acting like a whore and ruining the song American Pie has never gotten the urge to try New York’s signature dish, even though she’s lived in the damn city for over 30 years (although something tells us she’s had more than her share of NYC hot dogs…ZING!!!).
But David Letterman decided enough was enough, and took her next door for a slice. When Letterman asked what she liked on her pie, Madonna said, “That’s a very personal question.”
Get it! The old whore made a joke about her vagina! HAHHAHAHAH! Hilarious, Madonna! Still got it!
Madonna’s brother is a catty little bitch. Normally we don’t care for that, but since he’s directing his insults toward his sister, we’re thrilled.
Christopher Ciccone, who hasn’t spoken to his sister since he wrote a tell-all book about her last year, said that Madonna’s outfit at the MTV Music Video Awards looked like “Rachel Zoe gone horribly wrong!” We have no idea what that means, but we’re sure it’s snarky!
He went on to mock his sister’s new man whore, saying “It’s painfully apparent that Jesus may be able to turn water into wine, but your basic blow-dryer eludes him.”
The fact that I haven’t used a blow-dryer in 15 years isn’t going to stop me from laughing at that. HAHA! YOU GOT SERVED, MADONNA!
If you’ve ever wondered what Mary Poppins would look like if she was on Meth, Madonna has been kind enough to show you.
This week, the Material “Girl” celebrated her 51st birthday in Italy by desperately trying to keep the sun from melting her thin layer of remaining skin.
This is Madonna’s first birthday since her break up with Guy Ritchie. But don’t worry, Madge, I’m sure this photo will cause Guy to come running back, or at the very least make it difficult for him to maintain an erection with the 20-something stripper he’s probably banging.
Happy Birthday, Madonna!
Damn Madonna is looking fine as hell! She was out in London the other day showing off her beautiful arms. I think they look like spider legs… sexy spider legs that is.
I bet she could rip my dick off and beat me with it. I’m getting hot just thinking about it.
Who says you can’t be a sex symbol after 70? Allah, that’s who.
The “Material Girl” is back, and this time the “material” seems to consist mainly of male growth hormones she stole from A-Rod and old-lady skin.
But Madonna’s grotesque appearance isn’t slowing her down. This past weekend she kicked off her “Sticky and Sweet” tour in London. We can only assume that she’s referring to “Fixodent Control Plus Scope Flavor,” the only denture cream that provides the “stickiness” of Fixodent with the “sweet” freshness of Scope Mouthwash.
