Actor Corey Haim was found dead this morning in his Burbank apartment. The mainstream media will tell you that the 80′s heartthrob died of an “accidental drug overdose,” the same excuse they always use when a cover up is afoot. But the fact of the matter is that Corey, like so many of his celebrity brethren, was probably murdered for his organs.
Let’s do the math. Corey was only 38. Brittany Murphy died of an overdoes at the age of 32. Anna Nicole Smith OD’ed when she was 39, and her son Daniel OD’ed when he was only 20. Michael Jackson, Billy Mays, River Phoenix: the list goes on and on. Yet Larry King, at the age of 76, is still going strong. He’s in the best shape of his life, he’s on his seventh wife, and he’s had three children since 1997. Sex appeal just oozes from him.
How then can a man who is well into his 70′s stay so active and virile? Could it be that Larry, a rumored member of the Elders of Zion, is using his connections within Mossad to harvest the organs of young (or at least younger) celebrities? As Gary Busey showed us in the classic film, Kurtlar vadisi – Irak, Mossad has been harvesting Arab organs for years to be sold in the West. Perhaps the tables have turned, and celebrity organs are now being harvested. It seems America’s chickens have come home to roost.
What if instead of being the immoral, soul sucking, blasphemers that they are, celebrities became their names? Of course it would never happen because celebrities despise a humble pious life dedicated to the glory of Allah. Instead they wish to mock Allah and portray themselves as Gods.
However, thanks to the witchcraft of Photoshop we can envision a world were celebrities are not lauded as superiors, but rather humbled as productive members of society. Here is what it would look like if celebrities became their names.
Al Gore
Carrie Fisher
Dane Cook
David Letterman
Gary Coleman
George Foreman
Heath Ledger
Jude Law
Keira Knightley
Kelsey Grammer
Kevin Bacon
Kevin Spacey
Lance Armstrong
Larry King
Madonna
Minnie Driver
Natalie Portman
Nick Cage
Orlando Bloom
Penelope Cruz
Sigourney Weaver
Tom Cruise
Tori Spelling
Wesley Snipes
Will Smith
Winona Ryder
One word comes to mind when I see this pic of Larry King… SEX.
Just look at this mofo. He’s got the sunken cheek bones and liver spots that drives the ladies wild. Some people are just genetically blessed I guess.
Larry’s lips are all chapped and covered in Vaseline. Probably from kissing all those sexy ladies he’s banging. He’s got that old man stubble too, just to let every know, “Hey I know I look good. I don’t even have to shave.”
And don’t even get me started on that eye patch. How badass is that? Ladies love a bad boy and there are no bigger bad boys then pirates! Larry King is like a sex pirate, sailing the 7 seas of love, interviewing vaginas and plundering booty.
Some guys just have all the luck.
