Earlier this week, 2 of Robert Kardashian’s ex-wives claimed that the she-beast known as “Khloe Karadashian” was not the deceased lawyer’s biological daughter. Khloe’s mother Kris Jenner confessed that she had an affair while married to Robert, but stubbornly refuses to admit that Khloe is not his child.
However, earlier today Khloe Kardashian’s real father came forward, and he is none other than famed cereal icon Frankenberry. Of course it is not hard to believe that Frankenberry is Khloe’s real father as they have the exact same nose, eyes, forehead, chin, and insatiable appetite for sugary breakfast cereals.
By admitting to be Khloe Kardashian’s father Frankenberry is bravely shinning a light on one of the darkest periods of his life, telling reporters, “The early 1980′s were a crazy time for me. Monster-themed breakfast cereals were the rage, essentially making me a rock star and I certainly partied like one. I was doing a lot of coke and sleeping with a different woman every night. We all were Count Chocula, Boo Berry, Fruit Brute (RIP). It was the thing to do.”
Frankenberry then went on to recount the night he slept with Khloe’s mother Kris, “To be honest with you I thought she was a man. I mean she looks like a man. I was so coked out at the time I didn’t care, I was just trying to get it in. Of course if I knew then that I was creating something that looked like Khloe I would have pulled out and finished on that bitch’s man face.”
When asked if he was looking to have a relationship with his daughter Khloe Frankenberry responded, “What the hell for? I get drunk and sleep with big ugly whores, I don’t want to be a father to one.”
There has been no response yet from the Kardashians.
Finally, someone had the nerve to stand up to the manufactured mess of Christmas and show how bored they are with this silly holiday.
While it may appear that the Kardashian family went out of their way to dress up for this photo, our intelligence sources say this is not the case. Our mole that has infiltrated the clan (who we will refer to as Lamar O.) conveyed that every night at 6:54 PM, the family convenes in formal wear on their staircase to consume a live goat, and offer the heart to appease their Armenian Gods.
Let us be on record as saying that we now may consider ourselves allies of the Kardashians. They appear to hate Christmas, love eating goat, and enjoy dressing to the 9′s in FABULOUS formal wear.
If I find out they like Jack Johnson as much as I do, I’m defecting, plain and simple. Oh, sweet Allah, I hope they like Jack Johnson!
At 10:42 EST on Monday CelebJihad.com reported that the Khloe Kardashian-Lamar Odom wedding was as fake as your mother’s tits. And Guess who was right, bitches?!
TMZ is now reporting that the wedding was fake, and that lawyers are still working on a prenup! So eat it!
We’ll take that Pulitzer now, please!
Eat our camel crap, everybody! We won!
Click here to see the article in question.
It was the wedding of the year, with a who’s who of Hollywood celebrities and basketball VIPs in attendance. But there was just one problem; the wedding of Khloe Kardashian and Lamar Odom was faked, CelebJihad can confirm.
The couple has yet to produce the bloodstained bedsheets from their wedding night. Sources close to the couple have stated that this is because Kardashian was in fact not a virgin at the time of her marital ceremony, making the union completely null and void in the eyes of Allah.
It is believed that Odom was aware of his bride’s non-virgin status and went ahead with the sham as part of an orchestrated publicity stunt. However, at least one source has told us that Odom was in the dark on Khloe’s impurity. If this is the case, Odom is well within his rights to have Kardashian stoned in a public setting. Due to public interest in such an event the stoning would most likely be held at the Staples Center, where Odom plays for the Lakers, or the Disney Concert Hall in downtown Los Angeles.
When asked if he would be interested in creating a show about the possible stoning death of Khloe, “Keeping Up With the Kardashians” producer Ryan Seacrest said, “I’m seriously thinking about it,” according to People Magazine.
There has been a lot of speculation about the reason behind Khloe Kardashian and Lamar Odom’s rushed wedding this weekend.
The two love birds just announced they were a couple 2 weeks ago, and it is now confirmed that they will be walking down the aisle on Sunday. What is the hurry? Is Khloe pregnant? Does Lamar have a life threatening disease?
Well as it turns out when Khloe was a child she was by far the most attractive Kardashian sister. Her beauty was talked about far and wide. This made her sister the evil witch Kim Kardashian insanely jealous and she cast a spell on Khloe turning her into the ogre faced monster we know today. The only way the spell can be broken is if Khloe marries a large black man by midnight this Sunday. When she does she will turn back into a real girl!
First he helped get O.J. off the hook for murder.
Then he was responsible for creating Kim Kardashian, which has helped no less than two brothers get laid (Reggie Bush and Ray J).
Now his daughter Khloe is dating Los Angeles Lakers forward Lamar Odom.
Clearly, Robert Kardashian should be given a posthumous NAACP award. The man has done more for blacks than anyone since Abe Lincoln.
The Kardashians haven’t been doing too hot lately. Kim and Reggie Bush just broke up, Kourtney’s pregnant, and now Khloe’s been caught with cocaine in her purse by her sisters.
No worries though, Khloe will still be around to be her older sister Kim’s beard. She claims that the drugs aren’t hers, and that she’s “not someone who needs to do drugs.”
Khloe told Life & Style magazine that “my employee was picking up a pile of clothes that customers had tried on, and [the cocaine] fell out. She called me into the dressing room, and it was in a little glass vial. I was leaving the dressing room, and a lot of customers walked in. I didn’t know what to do, so I threw it in my purse. I was like, ‘I’ll dispose of this in a second,’ and I went to help them. Then I forgot about it.”
I believe Khloe’s story. Everyone knows coke makes you thin and pretty, so Khloe definitely does not do coke. She probably thought it was powdered sugar, and was planning on putting it on the next unsuspecting villager she clubs and eats for crossing her bridge.
