Sometimes I pity you Western men. You have allowed your women to go wild, and now you are completely emasculated.

Just look at famed movie actor Jude Law in these pictures. He allows his woman Sienna Miller to run around nearly naked in a bikini, so he is forced to constantly sniff her crotch to make sure there is not another man’s ejaculate inside.

If Jude Law would just man up and force Sienna Miller to dress properly in a full length burqa, then maybe he wouldn’t be so paranoid about other men pillaging her stink hole.

Honestly I can not even imagine ever having to sniff my wives crotches for another man’s semen because my wives respect me and they now if they ever strayed I’d chop off their nipples then burn their faces with battery acid.

Jude Law needs to be a man and stop letting Sienna Miller run around showing off her tight body in tiny bikinis because it is getting to the point were he is becoming an embarrassment to all men.

What if instead of being the immoral, soul sucking, blasphemers that they are, celebrities became their names? Of course it would never happen because celebrities despise a humble pious life dedicated to the glory of Allah. Instead they wish to mock Allah and portray themselves as Gods.

However, thanks to the witchcraft of Photoshop we can envision a world were celebrities are not lauded as superiors, but rather humbled as productive members of society. Here is what it would look like if celebrities became their names.

Al Gore

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Carrie Fisher

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Dane Cook

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David Letterman

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Gary Coleman

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George Foreman

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Heath Ledger

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Jude Law

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Keira Knightley

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Kelsey Grammer

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Kevin Bacon

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Kevin Spacey

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Lance Armstrong

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Larry King

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Madonna

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Minnie Driver

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Natalie Portman

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Nick Cage

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Orlando Bloom

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Penelope Cruz

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Sigourney Weaver

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Tom Cruise

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Tori Spelling

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Wesley Snipes

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Will Smith

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Winona Ryder

Jude Law’s Hooters waitress baby mama Samantha Burke recently released some photos documenting the growth of her meal ticket… I mean baby. Apparently women take these pics and make albums out of them to show their children how giving birth to them mangled their once tight bodies.

Celeb Jihad has obtained the full photo album with captions you won’t find anywhere else. Enjoy!

Me in my underwear looking all sexy for Jude.

I’m ready to get down to business!

Me giving Jude the condom I poked holes in ;)

Post coital bliss after Jude railed me on top of some cushions on the floor.

Clenching my legs closed so none of it leaks out.

Laying on the floor and having a well deserved smoke. I hope you like Virgina Slims because you’ll be getting a lot of them the next 9 months.

Yay I’m finally starting to get my baby bump. I feel just like Britney!

Look how small this bathroom is. As soon as you come we’ll have nice things. Cha Ching!

Me thinking about hot tubs, roman showers, and enormous vanities.

If you give me stretch marks I’m shipping you off to military school you little brat! Hehe!