American baby factory Kate Gosselin is the most recent example of a backwards culture valuing quantity over quality, failing to control her gaggle of children.
Aryan moppets Colin and Alexis were recently expelled from their substandard American private school for exhibiting the same behavior (fighting, name-calling, and generally bitchiness) that they use to steal their mother’s attention back home. Fortunately for the children, the education offered in America’s prisons is a lateral moved from the education offered in its Godless public schools.
While it is widely known that the Gosselin children will all turn into criminals, junkies, and whores well before their 18th birthdays, it’s still a pleasant surprise when the world gets to see it starting to happen.
In a new interview with Radar Online, Nadya “Octomom” Suleman admits, “I kind of have a crush on Jon Gosselin. I think he’s hot!”
Of course Jon Gosselin’s sex appeal is undeniable. What woman could resist a pudgy middle-aged Asian guy with hair plugs who wears Ed Hardy all the time? However, I just can’t help but think that Octomom’s attraction for Jon Gosselin runs deeper than just the physical.
These two seem to be made for each other. They both love using fertility drugs to have unholy amounts of children at one time. They both like abandoning those children to pursue a career as a D-list celebrity. And they both have huge vaginas.
Jon and Nadya Plus 22 here we come.
Kate Gosselin is “upset” over the fact that her estranged husband Jon Gosselin has withdrawn $200,000 from the couple’s account, according to her lawyer. Considering that Kate used to get “upset” if Jon would speak out of turn, this has to be the understatement of the year.
People Magazine is reporting that Jon never told Kate about the withdrawal, and that Jon could be found in contempt of court since the couple was ordered not to make any “significant withdrawals.” People Magazine is also a horrible publication that should only be used to wipe one’s ass.
According to sources close to Jon, he as already spent about a third of the money on Axe Body Spray and Hair Gels, and plans to spend the remaining sum by taking his “bros” to Jimmy Buffett’s Margaritaville Las Vegas.
Jon Gosselin “wasn’t the best” in bed, according to the couple’s former nanny who also spent time moonlighting as a home-wrecking whore.
Stephanie Santoro, who claims to have had sex with Jon nine times, said that Jon “wasn’t terrible, but it wasn’t the best I ever had.” I’m guessing that the best she’s ever had was the entire second-string defense for the Pittsburgh Steelers.
In all fairness to Jon, perhaps he was distracted by the nanny’s face, which obviously shows signs of Down’s. Also, it must have been hard for Jon to perform when his balls were locked up in Kate’s purse.
Jon Gosselin continued his tireless search for a new mommy for his 8 small children in Vegas last night, because that is the best place to look.
Sources close to Jon say that he is committed to finding a new Mom for his kids ever since the old one became so “annoying” and “unsexy”.
The source continued, “Jon doesn’t care how many clubs, bars, or truck stops he has to go to. He is going to find the new mommy his kids deserve. He is a real family man.”
