Jennifer Hudson
Singer and actress Jennifer Hudson has ruined her vagina by giving birth to her first child, her publicist has announced.
While Hudson is distracted by the arrival of the “beautiful and perfect baby boy,” fiancé, David Otunga, was said to be “grief-stricken” about the destruction of his mate’s previously-tight va-jay-jay.
“You always think of this as something that happens to some other woman’s vagina,” said Otunga as he placed a stuffed animal at a makeshift memorial beside Hudson’s mangled labia. “You never think about your own woman’s vagina being stretched beyond all comprehension.”
Added Otunga, “And now I can’t even look at roast beef sandwiches anymore, which really sucks because I liked those as well.”
A memorial service for Hudson’s vagina will be held on Friday.
Jennifer Hudson, still suffering from the murders of her mother, brother and nephew, expressed gratitude Thursday for her four sympathy Grammy nominations.
“It’s been a childhood dream of mine to release an album,” she said in a statement. Not many people even knew Jennifer’s dream came true, as the album has only sold 37 copies and not one single has had any airplay on an FM station.
“To receive four Grammy nominations is truly a blessing. I’m extremely honored and humbled.” She continued. “Now who has to die for me to actually win one of those suckers.” She later quipped.
To receive maximum publicity for the nominations they were announced on the same day her estranged brother-in-law, William Balfour, was ordered held without bail in the Chicago shooting deaths of Hudson’s mother, brother, and his own stepson. Senior public relations director for the Grammy’s Doug Goodstein called the timing of the nominations “kismet baby!”
