Celeb Jihad has just learned that soon to be 16-year-old and Canadian songstress Justin Bieber has just got her first pube!

Justin was said to be frightened at first, but she had a nice long talk with her mom and is now excited that she is beginning her long overdue transformation into womanhood. No word yet if Justin has started getting her period, but we imagine with pubes popping up like they are it is only a matter of time.

For those who do not know who Justin Bieber is yet, she is a singer and song writer who is taking the world by storm. Justin was discovered on YouTube were she use to post videos of herself dancing in her underwear while lip singing Britney Spears songs. A music exec saw potential in the young beauty and flew her to Atlanta to get started on making horrible music for the hormonally charged teen masses. The rest as they say is history.

(Left) Police examine the crime scene. (Right) Larry Platt on American Idol.

“There were six or seven gang bangers in baggy pants hanging out in the parking lot, and this old guy walked up to them and started singing and dancing,” said Marcus Lee, the store’s owner. “When he got to the second verse, they started beating on him.”

“I called the police, but by the time they arrived you couldn’t even recognize his face because of all the blood.”

A memorial for Platt is planned for this Saturday.

Selena Gomez is the 17 year old star of the hit Disney show “Wizards of Waverly Place”. She also is incredibly absent minded and a terrible role model for young girls.

As the photos below show, Selena Gomez completely forgets to wear pants. How a woman could go out and have her picture taken without remembering to put on a decent pair of trousers is beyond me. Maybe her mind was hazy from all the black tar heroin and wild sex orgies these Disney stars seem to love to partake in.

Not only did Selena Gomez forget to put on pants, but the sweater she is wearing doesn’t seem to fit her at all. It is entirely too long. How could she possibly think that was a good fit for a sweater? She is practically swimming in it.

Selena Gomez is a terrible role model for young girls, and should be lashed with reeds immediately. As these pictures show she has a dubious fashion sense, and probably dresses herself in some drug and sex filled haze.

Celeb Jihad has just learned that teen singing and acting sensation Demi Lovato poops in the woods! According to a good friend of Demi’s whenever she has to “take a wicked dump” she likes to run out into the woods behind her house and “pop a squat”.

First off this is disgusting and totally irresponsible. Did Demi ever think about what would happen if a bear happens by and steps in her poop? It is liable to go into a rage, find a small child, and rip its head off!

Also what if Demi farts by some dry leaves while she is out there. It could start a forest fire! I hope for Demi’s sake she has nothing to do with the wildfires outside of LA right now.

Demi has got to realize she is a role model and can not go running out and pooping in the woods whenever she feels like it. I really hope her fans know better then to try and imitate Demi, if not our nations forests could end up being engulfed by teen poop.

I can not believe Emma Watson did this! Doesn’t she know she is a role model for millions of young girls? I mean drinking a Corona at night is just crazy!

Everyone knows that white people should only drink Coronas during the day, preferably while outside. It makes them feel like day laborers. If you are a white girl drinking a Corona at night you might as well open up a burrito stand in your panties because you are basically saying “I want to have sex with a Mexican”, and that isn’t just stupid but it can also be dangerous.

Once you let one Mexican in your vag they are damn near impossible to get out. Not only that but they’ll bring their friends, family, pets ect. Next thing you know your whole vaginal infrastructure is under severe strain trying to support all the free loading Mexicans you got up in there.

Oh God no Emma, don’t ever pretend to be drunk after drinking one Corona. Nothing brings more joy to a Mexican then to take advantage of things. If you did this in a Home Depot parking lot you’d be liable to start a riot!

Emma Watson needs to realize that she is a role model, and by behaving like this she’ll overrun our country with Mexicans looking to have sex with ridiculously drunk chicks that American guys could be doing. Sure the Mexican apologists will tell you that they only do the ones no one else wants to do, but they fail to realize that after 16 shots I’ll do pretty much anything.

Lady Gaga clearly had something dangling between her legs at the Glastonbury festival in England. I may be wrong but it sure as hell looks like it was a penis to me.

This shouldn’t come as a big surprise to anyone. Lady Gaga is definitely ugly enough to be a tranny, and from the lyrics in her songs she is definitely slutty enough to be one as well.

Here is the video evidence for you to judge for yourself. Listen to what “it” mumbles when “it” gets off the bike. The penis makes its appearance at the 1:12 – 1:14 mark.

I do not know what would be more appropriate right now then jokes about Michael Jackson dying. If you have any to add do so in the comments section.

• Michael Jackson hasn’t been this stiff since Macully Culkin spent the night at Neverland Ranch.
• Because Jackson’s body was 95% plastic, he will be melted down and turned into legos, this way kids can play with him for a change.
• Reports that Michael Jackson has died of a heart attack in his home are untrue… He actually died having a stroke in the children’s ward.
• In the spirit of recycling, Michael Jackson will be melted down into plastic party cups so kids can still get their lips around his rim.
• In accordance with Michael Jackson’s will, little boys’ pants shall be flown at half-mast today.
• Doctors are looking into claims that MJ’s death could have been caused by an allergic reaction from eating 12 year old nuts.
• I heard Michael Jackson died of food poisoning from eating a 5 year old wiener.
• Micheal jackson will always be with us… he is not biodegradable.
• Farrah Fawcett arrived at the Pearly Gates and God asked her what he could do for her having led such an honest life. Farrah asked God to simply make sure the children of the world were safe. Five minutes later, Michael Jackson died.
• MJ’s dying wish was to be melted down and turned into straws so he can still get sucked on by kids.
• It has been released that MJs last wish was that he wants to be melted down and made into a slide so kids can go down on him forever.
• In memory of MJ’s death, McDonald’s is coming out with the new “McJackson”. It’s 50 year old meat between 12 year old buns.
• Michael Jackson’s ashes are going to be put in an Etch A Sketch so kids can still twiddle his knob.
• Michael Jackson’s death has now been ruled a suicide. Apparently doctors told him that the only way he could get whiter is if he died.
• Only in America can someone be born a poor black kid, and die a rich white woman.
• Madonna sent her condolences to the Jackson family. Then asked how much they wanted for the kids.
• Breaking News: Casper the friendly ghost was molested in the early hours of this morning!
• Michael Jackson’s last words: “Take me to the Children’s Hospital!”
• What was Michael Jacksons last hit? The floor!
• Michael Jackson died of a heart attack. He really shouldn’t have looked at the man in the mirror.

Congratulation to Ashlee Simpson and Pete Wentz on their new arrival, Bronx Mowgli Wentz. Based on these parenting tips from Ashlee, we know the kid is in good hands…

1. If your baby comes out a few shades darker than normal, reassure your husband that it’s just because the baby, much like its father, has the rhythm & soul of a black man.

2. Baby formula and cocaine are similar in color and texture, so the Enfamil container is a great place to hide your stash. Just don’t forget it’s in there, or you’re going to have a hell of a time getting your kid to sleep.

3. While most babies can’t live on mayonnaise alone, the really strong ones can.

4. If you’re pregnant for the second time, have an abortion. I’m sure the baby would rather die than live in the shadow of its more attractive older sibling.

5. Remember ladies; not everyone can land a professional football player. But suicidal bi-sexual emo singers make great fathers too.

6. Whatever you do, don’t let “Uncle Tony” hold the baby. He couldn’t hang onto a balloon if he was wearing duct tape gloves.

7. If your new-born child turns out to be one of those talking baby geniuses, put it in a sack and throw it off a bridge. I’ve read my bible, and talking babies ain’t in there.

8. Make sure the vocal track is turned all the way up before lip syncing lullabies to your baby.

9. If your baby’s nose doesn’t look right, set aside $5000 and invest in a low cost indexed fund. Otherwise, inflation will kill you on the cost of rhinoplasty when your child turns 13.

10. When selecting a brand of diapers, DO NOT purchase Huggies. Do you know how many Huggy Bears they kill each year to make those?

11. If your baby develops slowly, it might not be as retarded as you think. My parents thought I was retarded and look how I turned out.

12. Ladies, remember to always put your purse in the back seat so that when you get out of the car you don’t forget your baby.

13. Raising a newborn is hard, thankless work. Make sure you hire enough Guatemalans to handle the job.

14. Remember, you don’t need to come up with a clever name like Bronx Mowgli to make sure your kid stands out. Tattooing the words “Homo Handjob” onto his forehead should work just as well.

• Ladies, having standards is important, but make sure they aren’t too high. Remember, the “perfect man” is just a fairytale, like Bigfoot or HIV.
• Guys, nothing kills a date faster than bad manners. Not offering your date a Valtrex isn’t just thoughtless, it’s downright rude.
• Speaking of bad manners, if you don’t open doors for me, I don’t open my legs for you…unless you have money. Then it doesn’t really matter.
• Guys, if you’re at dinner and the waiter starts to flirt with your date, calmly stand up, smash a wine glass on the table, hold the shards of glass to his neck and demand that he respect you. Anything less and your girl will think you’re a pussy.
• If you smell raw fish and we’re not at a sushi restaurant, DON’T comment on it.
• Ok guys, you’ve already paid for an expensive meal. Now it’s time to go the extra mile. Offer to hold back your date’s hair as she regurgitates her food in the parking lot. Extra points if you have a mint waiting!
• Ladies, he’s there to make you feel special, so don’t be afraid to order a side of “balls in your mouth” at dinner.
• Remember, you can’t buy your way into a girl’s bedroom. Try using coke.
• Guys, when you’re on your first date and the girl starts blowing you, don’t push down on her head. That’s way too forward and could make her gag and vomit on your cock before she’s ready to.
• No condom, no problem! Remember girls; no one ever had a butt baby.
• Ladies, isn’t it annoying when you’re on a date with a guy and he asks you where he should “finish”? He knows we’re just going to scoop it up and eat it regardless of where it lands, so why does he ask?
• Exploring bi-sexuality is a great way to broaden your horizons. It’s also a great way to say “fuck you” to your dad for not buying you that pony you wanted when you were nine.
• Don’t assume that just because a girl is bisexual she wants to make out with your gal pals…unless your gal pals wear cherry chapstick and have tight labias. Then you can assume whatever you like.
• If you do find yourself attracted to someone of the same sex, don’t be ashamed. Curiosity is perfectly natural, just like fisting or being raped by your uncle.
• My biggest rule for any date is to be yourself…unless of course it’s “sweeps week” and Mort from Viacom’s marketing department tells you to be more of a whore. Trust me, he might look out of touch, but that heeb knows how to pull in the 18-to 25-year-old demographic.
• Remember, you can take the girl out of the third-world prostitution ring, but you can’t take the third-world prostitution ring out of the girl.

Special thanks to all of the CelebJihad.com writers.