Mel Gibson has released a brief statement apologizing for his use of racial slurs. In the statement, Gibson acknowledged that he should have used a more appropriate term when describing African Americans gang raping his girlfriend.
“What I should have said to my girlfriend was “You look like a f**king pig in heat, and if you get raped by a pack of N-words, it will be your fault,” Gibson’s statement read. “If any N-words were offended, I sincerely apologize.”
“The fact of the matter is, some of my best friends are N-words. Danny Glover is an N-word, and I’ve made four movies with him. I’m actually an N-word lover, when you think about it.”
When CelebJihad tried to reach Gibson’s for a comment, his publicist informed me that Mel doesn’t talk to “sand N-words.”
Puberty is a difficult time for most teens. Acne, cracked voices, and strange new feelings can make life extremely awkward. But at the end of the day, puberty is simply your body’s way of growing from a child to an adult. Besides, it happens to everyone….even teen heartthrob Justin Bieber!
That’s right, even Justin faces the challenges associated with puberty. And he wants to let all his fans know that if he can get through it, so can you. That’s why Justin sat down with us to share his wisdom on the subject! So, without further ado, here are Justin Bieber’s tips for surviving puberty.
1. Your balls are gonna grow all big and shit, so make sure to buy yourself some bigger drawers, yo.2. Your pits are gonna stink like my manager’s finger after one of our “coaching sessions.” So be sure to get some Axe for your pits.
3. If you start having a wet dream, ride that shit out. I had a wet dream with Usher in it and it was fantastic!
4. When dating a girl, the urge to explore her body is perfectly natural. I recommend using a hunting knife for exploring those hard to reach places, like the spleen.
5. It’s not a good idea to squeeze or pick at pimples. This practice only makes the acne worse. Try willing them away with the healing power of Kabalah.
6. Sometimes, for no reason, your penis will get hard. Just think about girls and it will go away.
7. During puberty, it’s important to develop your own look. Keep up with the latest fashions and hairstyles by checking magazines like Cosmo and Ranger Rick.
8. Girls who are on their periods should stay within an airtight container for the duration of their
menstruation. Vampires can smell that shit a mile away.9. A girl’s breasts will begin to develop generally between the ages of 8 and 11, so make sure to tap that ass before then. Titties be gross.
10. It’s completely normal to have homosexual thoughts during puberty…at least that’s what Nick Jonas told me during that unforgettable night in Orlando.
Is there anything more beautiful then hot young lesbians finding love between each others taut nubile thighs? Yes, me masturbating quietly in the corner while hot young lesbians find love between each others thighs.
Selena Gomez and Leighton Meester are almost certainly dating. Look at the picture above of the two love birds holding hands while spending time in Paris, the city of love. It is so obvious that Selena and Leighton are going down on each other, I don’t even need to check their teeth for pubes.
Selena Gomez’s exploits with other women have been well documented on this site. From Demi Lovato to Taylor Swift, Selena has an impressive list of conquests. However, this appears to be Leighton Meester’s first foray into dykedom. Let us hope that an experienced carpet muncher like Selena is being gentle with Leighton.
Honestly I am a little worried about Selena and Leighton dating. I have pictured them going at it in bed together hundreds of times now, and I am starting to get the feeling that Selena may just be using Leighton for sex.
I hope I am wrong, and Selena actually does have an attraction to Leighton outside their obvious physical want for each others tight young bodies. I would hate for Leighton to end up as just another notch on Selena’s strap-on.
Oh my God I can not believe Demi did this. Doesn’t she know she is a role model to millions of young girls?
How could Demi Lovato go and put blonde highlights in her hair. What kind of message is that sending to her fans?
Getting blonde highlights is basically like saying “I want to be dumb, and I think books are stupid”. Demi is telling her fans they should be bimbos, and is contributing to this nation’s illiteracy problem.
Demi Lovato has got to realize that as a public figure she is a role model to millions of girls. She can’t just go around doing reckless things like dying her hair blonde.
I hope that Demi’s fans know that it is not OK to go blonde, and that getting an education is important despite what Demi Lovato’s hair appears to be telling them.
Miley Cyrus, her name is synonymous with class and sophistication. Now Miley is trying to pass on her natural refined qualities to her fans.
Miley released the instructional picture above, to teach young girls how to sit properly in a dress. According to Miley*
“A lot of girls out there don’t know how to sit like a lady and sh*t. Of course sitting with your legs spread eagle is the best and most comfortable way to sit, but it can draw unwelcome attention when wearing a dress… especially if you are like me and almost never wear panties. You wouldn’t believe how many stray dogs I was attracting.”
Miley Cyrus solution to this problem is as tactful and elegant as she is. As she demonstrates in the picture above she holds down the front of her dress while sitting with her legs spread wide. It is a little trick noblewomen and queens have been using for centuries.
Yes Miley Cyrus truly is the epitome of class, and if you follow her example one day you too can be a lady.
* Not really
Celeb Jihad has just obtained this exclusive photo of actor Gary Coleman’s coffin.
Gary Coleman, who was taken off life support and died last Friday, is apparently keeping quite nicely thanks to the insulated design of his custom coffin.
According to the manufacturer, Gary Coleman’s coffin is made up of top of the line hard plastics and can hold up to 36 beers with ice.
Gary Coleman’s coffin is not without some flair. It features the actors last name “Coleman” on the side, as well as a no grip slip handle and wheels, which we are told makes it great for tailgating.
Yes Gary Coleman will surely be resting in peace in this handy dandy top of the line Coleman 150 coffin.
Justin Bieber, the name strikes fear in the hearts of men, but was he always the monster despised the world over that he is today?
We ran into the man pictured above leaving a methadone clinic in Santa Clara, and we were immediately struck by his shocking resemblance to Justin Bieber. We abducted him and questioned him for hours. It wasn’t until we performed some light torture on him that he finally admitted the awful truth. He is Justin Bieber’s real father.
There have been many rumors surrounding the whereabouts of Justin Bieber’s dad. Some claim that he took his own life when he heard his only son wanted to become a singer. One of the more ridiculous rumors has Justin Bieber’s father being divorced from his mother, and living in some mythical place known as “Winnipeg”.
However, now we had uncovered the truth. Justin Bieber’s father was in our possession. As we waited for him to regain consciousness (from the light torture) we prepared ourselves to interview the man who spawned the tormentor of our world, Justin Bieber.
When Justin Bieber’s father awoke we immediately pressed him for comment on his famous son. Like a sage he began spouting fatherly wisdom to his long lost son, gems like “Boys should play baseball” and “Heroin is a hell of a drug”.
We decided not to print some of the more personal father son messages (like what to do with a dead hooker’s body) as we will be sending the full transcript to Justin Bieber. We can only hope that hearing from his real dad will make Justin Bieber rethink the destructive life choices he has made, and finally get his act together.
Allahu Akbar!
