Former child star Corey Feldman was found alive this morning outside of a Norm’s Restaurant in Los Feliz, according to the LAPD.
Police tell us they were called to the diner shortly before 8 AM PT to investigate. Police were shocked to find that Feldman was responsive. The actor refused the officers repeated attempts to administer CPR.
Feldman shot to fame in the 80s — when he co-starred in a number of films, including “The Lost Boys” with Corey Haim.
More on this shocking story as it develops.
CelebJihad is your #1 source for explosive celebrity gossip.
Congratulation to Gary Busey and his girlfriend Steffanie Sampson on their new arrival, Luke Sampson Busey. Based on these parenting tips from Gary, we know the kid is in good hands…
1. To avoid SIDS, always place your baby on its back when putting it to bed. To avoid AIDS, wrap your child in latex after each and every bowel movement.
2. Be sure to screen prospective babysitters by checking their credit, job history, and anal cavity.
3. When disciplining your baby, always remember to have the safety on, otherwise you might accidentally shoot it for real.
4. If you decide to put your baby up for adoption, don’t forget this important fact: the white ones fetch exponentially more at auction.
5. Breast feeding is recommended for the baby’s health, but it hurts dad’s nipples like hell.
6. Your baby is a gift from above, and like all gifts from above, we must remember to thank Needor, the all-knowing one, for his wrath is furious, his hand swift, and his anal probings uncomfortable.
7. Raising a baby is a challenge, but ultimately you’ll be rewarded with delicious toddler spleen.
8. When putting your baby to sleep, always use twice the amount of poison that you would use on a medium size dog.
9. Newborns love movement and bright colors, making LSD the ideal drug for your baby’s playtime.
10. Babies are a lot like Jews in the sense that they both love delicious smoked salmon.
11. If you choose to feed your baby breast milk, make sure to strain out unwanted pieces of breast.
12. When traveling, always make sure your baby moves in a line parallel to the earth’s gravitational field, regardless of the orientation of any particular street or the traffic moving on said conveyance. That way, your baby’s own magnetic signature will be hidden from the Evil Lord Krylor and his minions in the “United Nations.”
13. When you are in a pinch, an infant’s cartilage skeletal structure means it can be eaten whole, not unlike a soft shelled crab.
14. Though stuffing a regulation-sized football into your baby’s mouth while you repeatedly punch him in the face each night might make him cry now, he’ll thank you once the first of those monster, Busey-sized teeth starts poking out through his gums.
15. While it is socially accepted to refer to your child as “in the oven” when it is in the mother’s womb, after the birth it is frowned upon in the literal sense. Still, I have yet to find a better babysitter than my ol’ Lady Kenmore.
Special Thanks to Eric Filipkowski and Sam Mechling
Scientists at the Iranian Institute of Beautology have done it! Using super computers and a program known as “The Photoshop” they were able to construct what the world’s most beautiful woman will look like. Praise be to Allah!
The scientists using science took pictures of all the most beautiful female celebrities and then started combining them scientifically until they were left with one perfect face. Then they each took turns using the picture of the final woman in the bathroom. See the pictures below for how the experiment unfolded.
The first group of women includes actresses Angelina Jolie, Anne Hathaway, Charlize Theron, and Elisha Cuthbert.
Group 1 combined to make these 2 women. Very beautiful but we can do better.
Here is the final result from Group 1.
The second group consisted of Hilary Duff, Jennifer Love Hewitt, Jessica Alba, and Jessica Biel.
Group 2 combined to make these to sluts. Maybe it is just me but they look c*ck hungry. Definitely an attractive group.
Here is the final result from Group 2.
The third group is the sweetheart group. We got Keira Knightley, Kate Bosworth, Kristin Kreuk, and Mandy Moore.
Group 3 came out looking a little funny, but still very bangable.
Here is the final result from Group 3.
The fourth and final group of the experiment consists of Megan Fox, Monica Bellucci, Natalie Portman, and Scarlett Johansson.
What we learned from Group 4 is that Megan Fox would be slightly hotter if she combined with Monica Bellucci. She should get on that.
Here is the final result from Group 4.
Now we take the final results from the 4 groups and combine them. Group 1 with Group 2 and Group 3 with Group 4.
Here is our results. We just need to combine these and we’ll have the world’s most beautiful woman.
This is our final result. The world’s most beautiful woman. Now we just have to stop her from looking like a complete gutter skank whore by adding a burka and we’ll be done.
Beautiful!
NHL star Mike Comrie recently proposed to his celebrity girlfriend Hilary Duff. Lucky for us the papparazi was on hand to catch the romantic moment for all eternity including the story book after engagement blowjob Hilary Duff gave Mike.
Based on the smile on Mike Comrie’s face I’d say Hilary definitely liked the ring (which cost 1 million dollars). Jared Jewelers is reportedly in talks to obtain the rights to the photo for use in their print ad campaigns with their slogan “He went to Jared”.
Anyway here are the pictures of the Hilary Duff and Mike Comrie proposal and blowjob.
Hilary Duff is shocked as Mike tells her she is the love of his life and asks her to marry him.
Hilary tears up and squeals yes as she sees her new million dollar engagement ring.
Hilary Duff rushes out on to the balcony to see her new engagement ring in the sunlight.
Finally Hilary returns inside and deep throats Mike’s c*ck till she gags on it in appreciation for making an honest woman out of her.
The Jonas Brothers were out playing football yesterday proving once and for all that they are not effeminate Marys, but rather totally butch manly type men. The brothers giggled and laughed as they tossed the ball and ran around the parking lot trying to tickle each other.
When the Jonas Brothers’ dad Ron Jonas saw the photos of his boys “playing football” he reportedly said “I’m going to the bar” probably to brag to his friends about how tough his sons are. Unfortunately Ron hasn’t been heard from since, but I think it is safe to assume he is on a celebratory bender because his son’s are so awesome.
Here are the photos of the Jonas Brothers playing football like the jocks they are and definitely not like sissy half-a-fags.
Older brother Kevin Jonas squeals and does a cheer because he is so excited to be playing football.
Middle brother Joe Jonas squats really low to receive the football.
Oh no the ball was thrown short! Joe Jonas tries to use his ballet skills to reel it in. “Nice try bro” giggled younger brother Nick Jonas
Kevin Jonas prepares his wind up to throw the ball super far.
Here he goes this one is going to be a doozy!
Kevin Jonas does a skip step forward.
Kevin launches the ball 10 feet into the air as he lets out a high pitched grunt and spins on one leg.
Younger brother Nick Jonas tries to receive the football but at the last second closes his eyes and gets hit in the face with it. The game ends as the boys all have a good cry with brother Nick.
Ever since we broke the story that Selena Gomez is a lesbian, teenage girls all over the country have been converting to the “dyke side”. This wave of newly transformed lesbians descended upon a mall were Selena Gomez was doing a Q&A (and probably some light fingering) for a radio station.
As soon as the cunt hungry mob got a whiff of Selena Gomez’s muff they were whipped into a feeding frenzy and charged towards the Disney star. Selena looked on and laughed as her fans were badly injured trampling over each other trying to get a piece of her sweet cherry pie. Police and firefighters had to be called in to control the mob and extract the wounded.
When asked for a comment about this horrific incident mall event coordinator Carol Barkley said “This is tragic. I haven’t seen this many lesbians go down on each other since I was invited to a party at Ellen’s.”
Selena Gomez and Taylor Swift are dating. The young Hollywood lesbian orgy is now in full swing! For those of you getting late to the party here is a quick summary of what has happened so far.
First we found out that Selena Gomez and Demi Lovato were in fact lesbian lovers. We then learned that they had a messy break up and Demi Lovato has started dating Miley Cyrus. At the same time we learned that country music sensation Taylor Swift was also a lesbian, and had a love affair with her fiddle player (perfect instrument for a lesbian by the way) Emily Poe. So that is were we are today. We got a ton of young lesbians on our hands and they all seem to be involved in a good old fashioned dyke out.
According to our sources Selena Gomez and Taylor Swift have gotten real close real fast, which is typical of a lesbian couple. There is a joke in the lesbian community, “What do you call lesbians moving in with each other? A second date”.
Needless to say Demi Lovato is furious about Selena Gomez’s new love interest. In the video below Demi is signing autographs for fans when one of them asks “How’s Selena?” and Demi snaps back “Ask Taylor!” Jealously rearing its ugly head if I’ve ever seen it. Fast forward to the 1:35 mark of the video to see the exchange.
Personally I think Selena Gomez and Taylor Swift make a very cute couple and wish them the best. Also if they are interested I’m selling a gently used double-sided dildo with strap-on on eBay. It is the perfect Valentine’s gift for that special carpet muncher in your life.
