No my brothers the topless woman before you is not a vision of the pagan Greek goddess Aphrodite, but rather Cher’s exquisitely beautiful daughter Chaz Bono.
Has a woman ever better embodied the Muslim aesthetic than Chaz Bono? From her facial hair and surgically removed titties to her wide powerful frame, Chaz Bono represents everything a woman should be.
Any Muslim man would be proud to call Chaz Bono his wife. In fact just the thought of Chaz Bono’s rotund body driving the plow through my poppy fields as her grizzly tit removal scars glint in the afternoon sunlight causes a stirring in my loins that will not cease.
The NAACP has announced that they have begun production on a Trayvon Martin movie starring Chaz Bono as George Zimmerman and Jaden Smith as Trayvon Martin.
The story will center around 7-year-old Travyon Martin walking to an orphanage to drop off skittles and iced tea for the children after choir practice. When Trayvon stops to help a golden retriever deliver her breech birthed puppies, he is spotted by George Zimmerman who is on his way home from a Hispanic white supremacists gathering in his Confederate flag painted pickup truck.
Enraged by the sight of a handsome and intelligent black boy so near his trailer home/meth lab, Zimmerman stalks Trayvon while shouting racial slurs. Trayvon tries to get away but Zimmerman is able to catch up to him, and unload his AK-47 when Trayvon pauses to help an elderly veteran cross the street.
The movie concludes with George Zimmerman being named sheriff after he is found not guilty by a jury of skinheads and white Wall Street bankers.
Actor Shia LaBeouf messed with the wrong woman last night, when he and Islamic sex symbol Chaz Bono got into a fight outside a bar.
The fight started when Chaz Bono confronted Shia LaBeouf about his shitty movies, demanding her ticket money back for “Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull”. Shia, who is still under the delusion that his movies don’t suck, took exception to this and challenged the lovely Chaz Bono to “step outside and settle this like men”.
As you can see in the video below Chaz, being a woman not just of considerable beauty but of brawn as well, easily beat down the limp-wristed half Jew actor Shia LaBeouf. A hilarious video and truly a great day for Islam!
Muslim sex symbol Chaz Bono, who had the good sense to have her shameful boobs cut off so as not to offend the Muslim aesthetic with her shameful feminine curves, was caught flaunting her gorgeous mutilated titties in the photo above.
Unfortunately Chaz appears to be greatly lacking in the sexy chest hair department. However, if her hot facial hair is any indication, as she ages Chaz may grow a full bush of musty pubic hair on and around her sweet, sweet tits. Truly that would set Chaz on to a whole new level of sexy in the Islamic world.
As a red-blooded Muslim man I can not help but think that Chaz Bono is one of the sexiest women alive, and I’m not alone. Chaz has taken the Muslim world by storm, capturing the hearts (and lustful desires) of Muslim men from Damascus to Tikrit with her erotic facial hair and robust frame.
What man could deny himself a quiet moment daydreaming about Chaz Bono using her ample hindquarters to drive the plow through a tough patch of field, or birthing him a baby boy with a thick full beard invoking the envy of every male in the clan. The thrills that Chaz Bono’s remarkable body offers appear to be limitless.
Of course the insensitive bigots in America do not appreciate Chaz Bono’s beauty. In fact they mock her by referring to her with the masculine pronouns “him, his, he”. Clearly years of drug abuse have warped the American aesthetic to such a degree that a once in a lifetime beauty like Chaz Bono goes unappreciated, while hopelessly hairless weaklings like Mila Kunis and Katy Perry are lusted after by the horny masses.
Hollywood can keep their skinny cleanly shaved sluts, us Muslims will take Chaz Bono so that she may birth us virile hairy Jihadists.
In a moving display of maternal support Cher has donated the preserved penis of ex-husband Sonny Bono to daughter / son (whatever!) Chastity, to be used in her upcoming female to male sexual reassignment surgery.
At a press conference in Los Angeles this morning Cher revealed “After the skiing accident I had Sonny’s remains preserved in cryo-freeze, in the hope that someday medical science would come up with a cure for being mashed to a bloody, mangled pulp after impacting a tree at 80 mph. But when I think of Chastity’s upcoming surgery, I cringe at the thought of just any old schlong being grafted on to my precious little he / she.”
“I initially had great difficulty in accepting Chastity’s coming out and wasn’t really there for her like a mother should have been, but at this enormously difficult time in her life I will be with her every step of the way. I think it will be a great comfort for her to know when they put her under, that her daddy’s wiener will be waiting for her when she wakes up.”
“It’s a beautiful thing really. All three of us will be reunited as a family in a way we never could have dreamed possible a few years ago.”