Singer and actress Jennifer Hudson has ruined her vagina by giving birth to her first child, her publicist has announced.
While Hudson is distracted by the arrival of the “beautiful and perfect baby boy,” fiancé, David Otunga, was said to be “grief-stricken” about the destruction of his mate’s previously-tight va-jay-jay.
“You always think of this as something that happens to some other woman’s vagina,” said Otunga as he placed a stuffed animal at a makeshift memorial beside Hudson’s mangled labia. “You never think about your own woman’s vagina being stretched beyond all comprehension.”
Added Otunga, “And now I can’t even look at roast beef sandwiches anymore, which really sucks because I liked those as well.”
A memorial service for Hudson’s vagina will be held on Friday.
After many hours of grueling research in our lab we have determined what the following celebrity pussies taste like. If you make any discoveries of your own please feel free to include them in the comment section.
|Sigourney Weaver’s pussy tastes like coins.|
|Lindsay Lohan’s pussy tastes like cigarettes and toast.|
|Paris Hilton’s pussy tastes like the inside of a catcher’s mitt.|
|Sarah Jessica Parker’s pussy tastes like a hard-boiled egg.|
|Miley Cyrus’s pussy tastes like 5 to 10 in the state pen… and fresh strawberries.|
|Rosie O’Donnell’s pussy tastes like a bulldog’s asshole.|
|Reese Witherspoon’s pussy tastes like Christmas morning.|
|Elizabeth Taylor’s pussy tastes like sawdust and gorgonzola.|
|Britney Spears’s pussy tastes like placenta.|
|Jessica Alba’s pussy tastes like sunflower seeds and disappointment.|
|Angelina Jolie’s pussy tastes like her brother.|
|Jennifer Love Hewitt’s pussy tastes like apricots and sunshine.|
|Jessica Simpson’s pussy tastes like tuna… or is that chicken?|
|Scarlett Johansson’s pussy tastes like applesauce and feet.|
|Madonna’s pussy tastes like sulfur dioxide.|
|Natalie Portman’s pussy tastes like humus and matza.|
|Jodie Foster’s pussy tastes like 2 bears fucking in the woods.|