Celeb Jihad - The Only Celebrity Gossip Site Run by Islamic Extremists » Amy Winehouse

HIV Cured of Amy Winehouse

Durka Durka — Mon, 25 Jul 2011 13:30:38 +0000

As we reported a few years ago, the Human Immunodeficiency Virus, commonly known as HIV, was distraught when it found out that it had contracted Amy Winehouse. However, HIV received some good news this weekend when it learned that it had been completely cured, and is now 100% Amy Winehouse free!

In a press conference held at the Mayo Clinic, HIV along with fellow Amy Winehouse suffers gonorrhea, herpes, whooping cough, and gingivitis, spoke with the media about how it feels to finally be rid of Amy Winehouse.

“It is just a huge load off my chest” said HIV. “I feel like I can breathe again” added whooping cough.

While the exact cure for Amy Winehouse has not been made public yet, doctors are already speculating that it may have been a potent mixture of crack, crystal meth, boxed wine, and horse tranquillizers that finally did her in. It will be interesting to see if doctors can use this knowledge to create a vaccine to protect against other terrible diseases such as Tila Tequila and Lindsay Lohan.

Amy Winehouse’s Nip Slip

Jimmy Jihad — Tue, 27 Oct 2009 16:24:23 +0000

Amy Winehouse was out selling her plasma yesterday, and while walking back to the half-way house her disgusting new breasts fell out. I’m usually not one to turn down a free look at boobies, but this was just repulsive. This woman is the reason Allah invented the Burqa.

HIV contracts Amy Winehouse

Jimmy Jihad — Wed, 14 May 2008 05:43:59 +0000

**World Exclusive** **Must Credit CelebJihad.com**

Celeb Jihad can now confirm that the Human Immunodeficiency Virus, commonly known as HIV, has contracted Amy Winehouse.

Sources close to HIV say that the virus has been inconsolable since it received the diagnosis last Friday.

“This is something that you think only happens to other diseases: Gonorrhea, HPV, maybe Herpes,” the grief stricken virus said. “I just never thought it could happen to me.”

Although HIV has long been aware of the risks associated with exploiting human behaviors such as intravenous drug use and unprotected anal sex, nothing could have prepared it for the stigma associated with contracting Amy Winehouse.

“What am I going to tell my family?” said HIV. “I mean, Scott Weiland? Sure. George Michael? Absolutely! But Amy fucking Winehouse? Game over, man!”

There is no known cure for Amy Winehouse.