Rumor has it that singer Adam Lambert is close to inking a seven-figure deal to host a show on Nickelodeon aimed at teens. If our sources are accurate, the show, tentatively titled “The Adam Lambert Feel Good Rainbow Teen Diversity Hour,” will showcase Adam’s singing and dancing abilities while simultaneously combating heteronormative attitudes among teens in American society.
Each show will end with two teens picked at random from the audience competing in a dance off. Winners will be eligible to win a spot as one of Lambert’s backup dancers at next year’s American Music Awards.
Chuck Lambert, father of “American Idol” runner up Adam Lambert, is not looking forward to Thanksgiving. Sources close to Chuck, a retired union electrician, say that Adam’s recent performance at the American Music Awards has sent him into a tailspin.
“Ya see that guy on T.V. prancing around like Elton John and making out with other dudes?” said Chuck as he took another swig of his Seagram’s VO Canadian Whiskey. “Yep, that’s my boy!”
With each passing day Chuck seems to grow more and more worried about the upcoming holiday, a fear that is further exacerbated by the constant taunts he receives about Adam from his fellow electricians.
“I mean, what the hell are we going to talk about during dinner?” Chuck said. “Son, I saw you on TV last week at that award show shoving some dude’s face into your cock and balls. That looked like fun, tell me about it. Jesus Christ, what did I do to deserve this?”
Added Chuck, “Why couldn’t he just be one of those normal queers like Tom Brady.”
