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10 Little Known Facts About Gary Busey

Durka Durka — Fri, 15 Aug 2008 23:18:24 +0000

10) Gary Busey’s diet consists almost entirely of bark and dolphin meat.

9) In 2004 the city of Newport Beach selected Gary Busey to host the annual Newport Autism Charity Banquet, an honor that caused him to boil his pets in disgust.

8) Gary Busey has a strong fear of the handicapped.

7) Gary Busey will only speak to people who are his exact same height.

6) One of Gary Busey’s favorite pastimes is sneezing in other people’s homes.

5) Gary Busey’s favorite digging stance is orthodox.

4) Gary Busey has binocular vision.

3) Gary Busey has a DNA fetish.

2) A woman once tried to sass Gary Busey for running over her dog. He threw a cup of urine in her face and attempted to baptize her.

1) Gary Busey has fucked over 50 different types of mammals.

The Corky Sex Tape

Durka Durka — Fri, 01 Aug 2008 05:47:51 +0000

Yeah that’s right, Corky has a sex tape. Corky gave the sex tape to a neighbor’s cat because according to the neighbor “Corky just loves Mr. Muff Buff’s puffy tail”.

The neighbor is in talks with Shiny Object Entertainment to distribute the video, but it may never see the light of day. Corky has filed an imagination lawsuit seeking 20 million hugs and candies. Corky claims the cat tricked him into handing over the sex tape by “being friendly” and “feeling nice to pet”.

The tape reportedly shows Corky rubbing his genitals against his parent’s suede couch. He then switches on a strobe light and pleasures himself furiously before finally finishing himself off on his pet dog Maxie’s back. The full video run time is 284-minutes. Shiny Object Entertainment says it hopes to have the video in stores by early November in time for the Christmas season.

Exclusive Interview With Joe Piscopo

Durka Durka — Tue, 08 Jul 2008 06:43:35 +0000

We caught up with Joe Piscopo on the set of his new film tentatively titled “My Shitty Vanity Project”.

CelebJihad: So, Joe, what made you get back into show business?
Joe Piscopo: What are you talking about? I’ve been working steady for 20 plus years now.
CelebJihad: Really?
Joe Piscopo: Obviously you haven’t seen many South Jersey car dealership commercials.
CelebJihad: Actually, I have an extensive collection of them.
Joe Piscopo: (Awkward Silence)
CelebJihad: Ok, so what brought about this latest project of yours? I understand you’re the writer, director, producer, and star of it.
Joe Piscopo: And I’m the craft service specialist.
CelebJihad: Sorry I missed that one.
Joe Piscopo: Well, after seeing that Mike Myers, Eddie Murphy, and Adam Sandler all have unfunny movies coming out this summer I said to myself, “Hey Joe, you are twice as irrelevant and humorless as those guys! You should make a crappy movie too.”
CelebJihad: Interesting.
Joe Piscopo: Not to mention I have just as much, if not more, contempt for the American movie going public then Myers, Murphy, and Sandler combined! In fact, I guarantee my movie will deliver 200% more nut shots, midget jokes, gay jokes, and lame sexual innuendos than any of their films. We’re putting that right on the movie poster!
CelebJihad: Awesome. Can you tell me a little bit of what the story is about?
Joe Piscopo: What story? Who said anything about a story? This movie is two solid hours of clumsily setup and executed jokes! I might even throw in some played out pop culture references. Maybe I’ll call Britney Spears or Paris Hilton a skank.
CelebJihad: Why don’t you call them both skanks?
Joe Piscopo: That’s genius!
CelebJihad: Or better yet, call them cunts. Cunt is a funnier word then skank.
Joe Piscopo: Your damn right it is. Sorry to cut this interview short, but the grips looks like they’re getting antsy for their Starbucks. A craft service specialist’s job is never done.

Lindsay Lohan Addicted to Stank Puss

Durka Durka — Wed, 18 Jun 2008 21:53:43 +0000

According to friends close to the “actress”, Lindsay Lohan has fallen off the wagon yet again. Apparently her girlfriend/pusha Samantha Ronson has gotten poor Lindsay hooked on her stank puss. Lindsay is reportedly held up with Ronson at her Hollywood home. Sources report Lindsay hasn’t slept in days and just can’t stop lapping away at Ronson nasty stank puss. They fear for her health and state of mind.

Eating stank puss (also known on the street as dumpster diving, carpet cleaning, rotten oyster shucking, Rosie O’Donnelling) is a serious albeit not widely publicized problem in America. Every year thousands of unsuspecting girls fall victim to this dangerous addiction. Here are some warning signs to look for if you think someone you love may be hooked on the stank puss.

1) Bad grades
2) Smelly fingers
3) Reclusiveness
4) Bad breath
5) Greenish tongue

If you hear someone you care about talking about trying this or exhibiting some of the warning signs please seek help immediately.

Sharon Stone and Hulk Hogan’s Karma Convo

Durka Durka — Sat, 07 Jun 2008 00:37:56 +0000

	Hey Hulk how are you doing hun?
	Not so good brother.
	Aww are you still upset about the negative PR you got for suggesting that the war veteran passenger in the car your speeding drunk driving son crashed putting him in a permanent vegetative state must of had bad karma?
	Yeah that and the fact that all these years of taking my “vitamins” have left me with tiny mouse balls.
	Oh Hulk small potatoes just make the steak look bigger. And I think you were absolutely in the right in calling out that kid for having bad karma. I recently got in a bit of hot water myself when I suggested that the tens of thousands of “innocent” Chinese that were crushed to death in a earthquake had it coming because of all the bad karma from their government not allowing my friend the Dalai Lama to have his own country.
	What! That’s ridiculous! Of course that was karma! How can the public give you shit for that? It’s almost like they’ve never seen My Name is Earl.
	I know! It’s a fantastic show and I’ve learned a lot from it. After seeing it I looked back over my life and realized what an important role karma has played in it.
	How so?
	Well in high school I got in a bit of trouble when one of the guys I was fucking knocked me up. It was awful it made me gain all this weight. Those nine months were a living hell. Every time I went out drinking or tried to do some blow I’d get sick, or the baby would kick like crazy. Not to mention I didn’t have my period once during the pregnancy, so I’m pretty sure it was drinking my menstrual blood.
	A vampire baby! I’ve heard about those.
	Yep but you know what Hulk? All that bad karma that little guy was building up came back and bit him in the ass when I gave birth and threw him in a dumpster.
	KARMA!
	Big time! Hahaha!
	You know my soon to be ex-wife Linda is suffering through some bad karma right now.
	Oh yeah?
	Yeah brother. When I married her 20 years ago she was hot and thin, but throughout our marriage she’s gradually gotten uglier and fatter.
	Ought ohh that is not good for her karma.
	Tell me about it. So I cheated on her a lot and karma got her good when she found out about it and filed for divorce.
	K-A-R-M-A!!!
	Poor woman will never find another guy with 24 inch pythons.
	Oh Hulk all this karma talk is making me super wet. Want to fist my gaping stink hole?
	You got it brother.

What Celebrity Pussies Taste Like

Durka Durka — Thu, 29 May 2008 20:47:41 +0000

After many hours of grueling research in our lab we have determined what the following celebrity pussies taste like. If you make any discoveries of your own please feel free to include them in the comment section.

	Sigourney Weaver’s pussy tastes like coins.
	Lindsay Lohan’s pussy tastes like cigarettes and toast.
	Paris Hilton’s pussy tastes like the inside of a catcher’s mitt.
	Sarah Jessica Parker’s pussy tastes like a hard-boiled egg.
	Miley Cyrus’s pussy tastes like 5 to 10 in the state pen… and fresh strawberries.
	Rosie O’Donnell’s pussy tastes like a bulldog’s asshole.
	Reese Witherspoon’s pussy tastes like Christmas morning.
	Elizabeth Taylor’s pussy tastes like sawdust and gorgonzola.
	Britney Spears’s pussy tastes like placenta.
	Jessica Alba’s pussy tastes like sunflower seeds and disappointment.
	Angelina Jolie’s pussy tastes like her brother.
	Jennifer Love Hewitt’s pussy tastes like apricots and sunshine.
	Jessica Simpson’s pussy tastes like tuna… or is that chicken?
	Scarlett Johansson’s pussy tastes like applesauce and feet.
	Madonna’s pussy tastes like sulfur dioxide.
	Natalie Portman’s pussy tastes like humus and matza.
	Jodie Foster’s pussy tastes like 2 bears fucking in the woods.

Joe Simpson: Anal Pusher

Durka Durka — Tue, 20 May 2008 18:01:42 +0000

After selling the photo rights to his daughter Ashlee’s unborn child and then leaking Ashlee and Pete Wentz’s secret wedding date to the press. Father / Super Manager Joe Simpson sent out a press release today announcing that Ashlee and Pete are going to be trying anal.

According to Joe, his daughter Ashlee has been hesitant to let Pete go to “brown town” for fear that it might be painful, but Pete is a “dedicated ass man” and finally convinced her (with a little help from Papa Joe) to give it the old college try.

Joe is being careful not to give away too many details about the event but he did have these words of encouragement for the newly weds.

“I’m proud and honored that Pete will be violently penetrating my little girl’s stink hole. I wish them the best and hope it is a backdoor banging of a lifetime. Just the thought of Pete’s thick meat pole entering my princess’s quivering booty hole causing her to yelp like a wounded dog makes my heart swell. Because in the end I just want to see my daughter happy.”

Joe is reportedly in talks with K-Y Jelly and Astroglide for sponsorship rights to the big “grand opening”.

Rob Lowe in Hot Water Again

Durka Durka — Sat, 10 May 2008 16:57:55 +0000

LOS ANGELES – Actor Rob Lowe is in trouble again for alleged misconduct with an employee. This time it’s the Lowe’s former gardener Manuel Sanchez who is filing suit.

The lawsuit, filed Thursday in Santa Barbara, Calif., says, ” Mista Lowe put his hando inside my el pantos and strummed my chalupa like a mariachi band” several times from about September 2005 to around January 2008. The suit also alleges the actor grabbed Sanchez’s behind without his consent in December 2007 while he was harvesting Lowe’s considerable lettuce crop.

Sanchez also says that Lowe repeatedly asked him to spank him with his rake, showed him hand drawn pornographic images of donkeys, and asked him to sing him Mexican love songs while he masturbated.

The former gardener claims he feared Lowe would “attempt to further sexually assault him,” but also says he thought conditions would get better.

Sanchez is suing Lowe for sexual assault and battery, sexual harassment, retaliation, unpaid off-the-clock work, overtime wages and unpaid meal periods and asking for damages in excess of $50 US.

Gary Coleman is a Stuck-Up Piece of Shit

Durka Durka — Fri, 02 May 2008 19:07:51 +0000

Here is a hot tip from Joey Del Vecchio Hoboken, NJAy how you guys doin? I was driving down the Jersey turnpike the other day and I stopped at one of those fuckin rest stops to use the little girls room, ayyy.

So I walk into the stall and who do I see floating in the bowl but Gary fuckin Coleman!

So I says
“Ay Gary how you doin?”

And that fuckin guy doesn’t even acknowledge me.

So I’m like
“Ay what am I fuckin invisible here? “
“You think you’re too much of a big shot to talk me? “
“With your fuckin fancy Hollywood toilet paper outfit there.”

No response. He just floated there acting like he didn’t hear me. I swear to fuckin God I almost lost it on that fuckin guy and charged the bowl.

Oh and PS he stunk like shit.

Fox In Talks With John Mark Karr For New Show

Durka Durka — Tue, 29 Apr 2008 06:32:22 +0000

We’re hearing that Fox executives are close to finalizing a deal with John Mark Karr to have him host a new game show. You may remember that John Mark Karr made headlines 2 years ago as the loveable prankster who pretended to be the killer of JonBenet Ramsey.

The new show will allow Karr to showcase his hosting skills. It is tentatively titled “Are You Hotter Than A 5th Grader”. Contestants will compete in a beauty pageant against 5th graders to determine if they are indeed hotter than a 5th grader. Karr claims that this will be the most challenging game show on TV, and that he doesn’t believe anyone over the age of 12 could possibly win.