Recently I watched a bootleg copy of the new George Clooney film, Up In the Air. It’s been a long time since I’ve been so offended.
I found the film to be very unrealistic and extremely insulting. For example, George Clooney’s character spends most of his life traveling the U.S. via the commercial airlines. Inexplicably, not once in the entire film does he encounter an Islamic Fundamentalist trying to bring down the plane with an underwear bomb. In fact, the only Muslims depicted in the film were normal, average Americans who were just trying to live their lives. I wholeheartedly object to this common stereotype. Zionist-controlled Hollywood wouldn’t feel comfortable depicting all Asians as dry cleaners or all Mexicans as migrant workers, so why do they feel it’s OK to depict all Muslims as tolerant, peace loving people? I resent the implication. Some of us want to destroy the Jews and force the rest of the world to convert to Islam, thank you very much!
Another aspect of the film which I found insulting was the gratuitous nudity. At one point, the side of Vera Farmiga’s breast and part of her backside are exposed for at least three seconds. While I appreciate that the film depicts Western women as promiscuous whores, couldn’t the director have found a way to do this while still having his female characters clothed, preferably in burqas? For example, in the film, Clooney meets the female lead at a bar and immediately brings her back to his hotel room. The director could have just as easily had Clooney chastise the woman for not being chaperoned by a male relative, followed by a scene of her public flogging by the religious police. The same point would have been made, but without the nudity.
All and all, I give Up in the Air 15 out of 72 virgins. Skip this insulting, sinful smut.
The New Year is a time for reflection, and we here at Celeb Jihad have a saying “Durka durka Muhammad tuck tuck jihad Allah” which loosely translates to “The only good celebrity is a dead celebrity”.
So let us take a moment to reflect on the top 5 celebrity deaths of 2009. Allah willing 2010 will be another banner year for celeb mortality rates.
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#5 Brittany Murphy – The most recent celebrity death, Brittany Murphy starts off our list at #5. Bug-eyed and at least slightly psychotic Brittany Murphy would be more likely to get pepper sprayed than a friendly smile while walking down the street if she was not famous. However, because people have seen her in a few movies she was perceived as “quirky” and “cool”. Hopefully those fans of her’s act just as “quirky” as she did by overdosing in the shower post haste. |
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#4 DJ AM – First off the man was a DJ. He made insane amounts of money for putting his iPod on shuffle in clubs. If you don’t want to jump up and celebrate when someone like that dies than there is something seriously wrong with you. The media ignored the glaring hypocrisy of this douchebag. He was shooting a show for MTV were he chastised kid’s for not being strong like him and quitting drugs, before going back to his hotel room and overdosing on them. What an ass! |
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#3 David Carradine – What is not to like about a celebrity death that involves a rope that is tied around the neck and genitals for autoerotic asphyxiation in a whore house in Thailand? David Carradine probably had the most embarrassing celebrity death of 2009. If only it had been someone more famous who died with a rope around their wiener like a Tom Cruise, George Clooney, or Rosie O’Donnell then it would have been tops on our list for sure. |
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#2 Tiger Woods – OK so Tiger Woods didn’t actually die this year, but his endorsement career pretty much did. And a more glorious death we have not seen in years (mainly because of all the whores). The fact that nerdy white guys absolutely worshiped Tiger because they thought he represented a hip classly minority version of themselves is funny enough. However, then to have their idol completely exposed as a relentless poon hound who has stuck it in everything from porn stars to Waffle House hostesses is down right hilarious. So much for Tiger being the epitome of a colored with class for you WASPs to worship. Don’t worry you still have Colin Powell. |
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#1 Michael Jackson – Was there really any doubt who the #1 celebrity death of 2009 would be. Michael Jackson the “King of Pop” became the “King of Death” in 2009. The intrigue around his death (whether he was murdered or not) never really interested me, beyond whether I should send a gift basket to his killer. No what made this death so great was the coming out party of all the Michael Jackson fans. What a reflection on Western culture to see the masses in hysterics over the death of a high-pitched child molester. Sure Michael had a couple catchy songs, but that was back in the 80′s. The man had spent the last 20 years trying to look like a child while fingering them, but the public reaction was like Muhammad himself had met his maker. If that isn’t a sign that Western society is doomed I don’t know what is. |
Selena Gomez is the 17 year old star of the hit Disney show “Wizards of Waverly Place”. She also is incredibly absent minded and a terrible role model for young girls.
As the photos below show, Selena Gomez completely forgets to wear pants. How a woman could go out and have her picture taken without remembering to put on a decent pair of trousers is beyond me. Maybe her mind was hazy from all the black tar heroin and wild sex orgies these Disney stars seem to love to partake in.
Not only did Selena Gomez forget to put on pants, but the sweater she is wearing doesn’t seem to fit her at all. It is entirely too long. How could she possibly think that was a good fit for a sweater? She is practically swimming in it.
Selena Gomez is a terrible role model for young girls, and should be lashed with reeds immediately. As these pictures show she has a dubious fashion sense, and probably dresses herself in some drug and sex filled haze.
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The results are in, and alleged al Qaeda member and would-be suicide bomber Umar Farouk Abdulmutallab has been voted 2009′s Sexiest Man Alive by CelebJihad.com readers. His wealth, good looks, and fanatical devotion to Jihad were the top-three reasons readers cited when choosing Abdulmutallab.
Abdulmutallab narrowly edged out George Clooney, who was the runner up. Rounding out the top five were actor Brad Pitt, radical Yemeni cleric Anwar al Awlaki, and in 5th place for the third year in a row, the Iron Sheik.
No women were allowed to take part in this poll.
Kourtney Kardashian is flaunting her bastard baby Mason all over the internet. Just look at this disgusting photo of Kourtney and boyfriend Scott Disick displaying their shameful bastard child for all the world to see. Most women would hide in shame after giving birth to a sin, but Kourtney can’t wait to rub her fowl abomination in the noses of the faithful.
And what’s to be said for the alleged father of the child? Look how he has to pinch his own nipple in order to suppress his rage. After all, if this harlot will have a child out of wedlock, then who is to say that the baby is truly his? If he was any sort of man he would take Kourtney to the tallest minaret in West Hollywood and throw her off, and then leave the body in the section of the town square where people slaughter goats.
As for the baby, it should be sold into a life of Sudanese slavery immediately. Being an indentured eunuch is much better than growing up to learn that your mother is a promiscuous apostate! Trust me, he would thank you down the road if they allowed him to keep his tongue.
TMZ has reportedly found a picture from the 1950′s of John F. Kennedy on a boat filled with naked women. The picture shows two naked women jumping off the boat (presumably to escape), and two more naked women sunning on the top deck (presumably too frozen by fear to attempt an escape). Just below the top deck John F. Kennedy is lying sunning himself, and preparing his mind for the insane amount of wild sex to come.
Professor Jeff Sedlik, a forensic photo expert, says the print appears to be authentic. Sedlik says the photo is printed on paper consistent with what was used in the 1950s. The emulsion on the surface of the print has numerous cracks the result of aging, handling, and beating off too.
There are numerous articles and books on John F. Kennedy which mention a Mediterranean boating trip that he took in August, 1956, with his brother Ted Kennedy and Senator George Smathers. It was rumored that they entertained a number of women on the yacht, as Ted Kennedy entertained a number of whiskeys in his liver.
Jackie Kennedy was pregnant at the time, so John was looking to get some strange pink to stick it in. Ironically Jackie was rushed to the hospital while JFK was on the sex boat. Doctors performed an emergency C-section, but the infant was stillborn. If John would have just waited a week he could have plowed his wife when she got home from the hospital.
Charlie Sheen’s wife Brooke Mueller called police on her husband Christmas morning, and claimed he had assaulted and choked her. Charlie Sheen was arrested for felony second degree assault, and spent most of Christmas day in jail.
Sources say authorities gave both Charlie and Brooke blood alcohol tests. Brooke registered a .13 while Charlie registered a .04 (which is the amount of alcohol permanently in Charlie Sheen’s system without having a drink). Brooke then recanted her story to a female officer just before Charlie’s bail hearing, telling the cop she was very drunk when she made the 911 call.
Celeb Jihad has learned that Brooke Mueller has just stumbled into the police station with tinsel stuck to her hair, and carrying an empty bottle of Goldschlager (or as she calls it “Christmas juice”) and is accusing Charlie Sheen of murder.
Brooke has let loose a string of accusations against her husband including that he is a “stupid face”, “couldn’t f*ck his way out of a paper bag”, and that he “killed Jon Benet Ramsey”. She apparently wants to press charges on all 3 counts. Police are now conducting a manhunt for Sheen who they will most likely shoot on sight.
