The film is billed as a “a celebration of the finest gaping a**holes” overflowing with “excessive amounts of female ejaculate.” I’m not quite sure what measurement constitutes an acceptable amount of female ejaculate. A quart? A liter? I doubt the producers gave it much thought. It seems they didn’t give much thought to any aspect of the film. Squirt In My Gape 3 is a bloated, unpleasant assembly-line extrusion of forced squirts and questionable orgasms. By trying too hard to please fans of both squirting and ass gape, the film ends up pleasing no one.
Read the entire article at ScreenJunkies.com
Lady Gaga clearly had something dangling between her legs at the Glastonbury festival in England. I may be wrong but it sure as hell looks like it was a penis to me.
This shouldn’t come as a big surprise to anyone. Lady Gaga is definitely ugly enough to be a tranny, and from the lyrics in her songs she is definitely slutty enough to be one as well.
Here is the video evidence for you to judge for yourself. Listen to what “it” mumbles when “it” gets off the bike. The penis makes its appearance at the 1:12 – 1:14 mark.
This Heavyweight title bout is scheduled for 5 rounds.
In the blue corner, weighing in at 672lbs. With a record of 37 black guys 16 Puerto Ricans and 1 Mexican. Hailing from “the block” New York! Jennifer Lopez’s butt!
And in the red corner, weighing in at 704lbs. With a record of 41 black guys and 4 Mexicans. She looks like she hails from somewhere in the Middle East! Kim Kardashian’s butt!
*Ding *Ding *Ding
Round 1:
Jennifer Lopez starts strong with a solid display of booty. Kardashian’s butt looks lumpy and deflated. If she doesn’t pull herself together soon this could be a short night for Kim.
Winner: Jennifer Lopez’s booty
Round 2:
Wow both women come out wearing strikingly similar outfits. J-Lo’s backside is looking strong once again. While the Kardashian booty looks too large with no clear indication of where the top of her butt begins and her lower back ends.
Winner: Jennifer Lopez’s booty
Round 3:
The ladies break out the panties for this round. Now I’ve seen everything! I have to question J-Lo’s wardrobe choice here. The pink frills hide the shape of her lush behind. Kim seems to have taken my comments from the last round to heart as she displays crack to clearly show were her booty actually begins.
Winner: Kim Kardashian’s booty
Round 4:
Look out folk’s we got a good old fashioned white vs black race war on our hands here. Jennifer’s butt seems to have shrunk this round. I don’t know if this is a defense mechanism because she is around black guys, like a turtle retreating into its shell, but that will definitely cost her. Kim’s booty seems to have finally found its grove and is standing tall.
Winner: Kim Kardashian’s booty
Round 5:
Jennifer puts on a gorgeous display of booty! She really brought the thunder! Kim’s butt looks dazed but it keeps plugging away (like Ray J in her sex tape). A valiant effort to be sure from it tonight.
Winner: Jennifer Lopez’s booty
And the winner and Heavyweight Celebrity Booty Champion of the world! Jennifer Lopez’s butt!
The rumors started when a then unidentified young man was seen seated with the Jackson family at Michael’s memorial service. The media was buzzing with questions on whether this young man, who bared such a striking resemblance to Jackson, was in fact his secret child or just some kid that he use to diddle.
That young man was later identified as Omer Bhatti, and it turns out that he is Michael Jackson’s secret child. At least according to Joe Jackson, and if Papa Joe says it’s so, then it must be true.
“Yes, I knew he had another son, yes I did,” Joe Jackson said. “He looks like a Jackson, acts like a Jackson, can dance like a Jackson. This boy is a fantastic dancer,” he added.
This revelation will no doubt be followed by Joe Jackson announcing that Omer is signed to his record label and they are going to use “da Blu-ray” on him.
The mother of Michael Jackson’s secret child Omer Bhatti is still unknown, but Celeb Jihad has heard from multiple sources that it is a mystery woman known only as “Billie Jean”.
Now that Palin’s out as governor of Alaska the media focus has shifted to what she’s going to do next. Since we know Palin is an avid reader of CelebJihad, we have kindly decided to offer her five suggestions we feel would be in her best interests (and ours).
Waitress at Applebee’s
What better place to use your down-home folksy charm to squeeze a few extra bucks out of undersexed middle-aged men? Well, other than Dennis Hof’s BunnyRanch. But hooker jokes aside, if you don’t want David Letterman making fun of your morally loose daughters on late-night TV anymore, head down to your neighborhood Applebee’s and let speeded-out truck drivers do it instead.
Ambassador to North Korea
This works for several reasons. First of all, our nation doesn’t have one so there’s an opening (and it would create a job for our economy). Second, while the North Koreans think Hillary Clinton is a “funny lady” who looks like “a pensioner going shopping” even they would have to admit that Palin is a hottie and her campaign shopping bill proves that she shops at levels exponentially higher than a pensioner. So what’s the rub? Well, they also said Hillary is “by no means intelligent.” If that’s the case then they would probably rate Palin somewhere between a vegetable on life support and Paris Hilton (which, for the record, is an incredibly tight window of brain activity levels).
Broadway Actress
What would be better than a Broadway adaptation of Fargo? A Broadway adaptation of Fargo featuring Sarah Palin as Police Chief Marge Gunderson. Think about it. She’s already got the folksy accent and small town attitude. She could even get knocked up again for the part. And who wouldn’t want to hear Palin deliver the famous line, “Oh, I just think I’m gonna barf.” It would remind us all of the moment we heard she was selected as McCain’s running mate.
Director Biotech Life Sciences Sales, Mumbai India
She doesn’t like the direction this country is going? Well Sarah, you’re a ‘love it or leave it’ type, right? Here’s your chance to leave it. Sure, you’re massively under-qualified, but you’ve got an ‘it’ factor. You’ve got pizzazz. Give it a shot. Will we miss you? You betcha. But only for the easy jokes at your expense.
Presidential Candidate, 2012
African-Americans were delighted to see a black man soundly defeat and old white man in 2008, but that would be nothing compared to seeing it happen to a foxy white woman. Years ago this was a revenge fantasy only fulfilled in the world of pornography, but should the stars align, it could be a mere three years away. Keep the faith, my brothas!
Jessica Simpson vows to be thin again! Sure Tony Romo deserves the bulk of the credit for dumping her, but I can not help but feel that my constant ridicule of her fat ass may have a played a small part. So kudos to me!
According to a friend of Jessica, “Right after Tony ended things, Jessica said, ‘I want my old body back,’ She went into her kitchen, got a trash bag and started to clear it out.”
“Jess is serious about getting her body back into fighting shape,” the buddy continues. “Working out is helping to give her focus and clear her head. It’s better than sitting around moping or throwing pity parties with ice cream sundaes.”
I really don’t care how many times Jessica has to stick her finger down her throat to lose the weight just so long as she does. It is like I tell my pregnant wives, “don’t tell me about the pain just show me the baby!” Lets celebrate with some pics of what we have to look forward to. A hot thin Jessica Simpson!
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As part of his plea deal, Chris Brown is required to stay 50 yards away from Rihanna at all times.
However, last night Chris Brown waited in an SUV across the street while Rihanna had dinner at Cipriani in New York. His SUV then drove right by Rihanna as she left the restaurant.
Also five days ago Chris Brown checked into the Trump International Hotel, which is the same hotel Rihanna is staying at.
No word yet if Brown is planning on stepping up his stalking game by sending Rihanna a love poem written with his poop.
