Pharmaceutical giant Pfizer is launching a $100 million ad campaign aimed at reinvigorating its flagship drug, Viagra, by targeting the controversial yet potentially lucrative pedophile market.
The campaign, which is set to debut during tomorrow’s premiere of The Jonas Brothers 3D, has no shortage of Hollywood star power. Oscar winner and statutory rapist Roman Polanski directed the ads for a nominal fee. Actress Ashley Peldon, star of the 90’s hit Drop Dead Fred, agreed to have her image used in the ads. Rumors are also circulating that the second round of ads will feature music from R&B powerhouse R. Kelly.
While the move is sure to ruffle feathers, industry experts say it is necessary if Pfizer hopes to maintain growth and prevent a shareholder revolt. Faced with an ailing economy and an ever-shrinking market share, the company’s stock fell below $14.00 on Monday, a stark contrast to its onetime high of $48.00 just a few years ago.
“The investors have been violated; they’re the victims here,” said shareholder rights advocate and corporate raider Carl Icahn. “Anything that keeps the shareholders from getting diddled any further is a good thing.”
Most experts agree with Ichan’s assessment.
“Look, you’ve got over 400,000 registered sex offenders in this country alone,” said industry analyst Brian Wallace. “That doesn’t even take into account the third world, where molesting a child is referred to as ‘Tuesday.’ Throw in Belgium and Vatican City, and you could see the stock back at $50 before the end of the year.”
Heath Ledger and his new friend Caesar Romero discuss the Oscars…in hell!
Congratulations to Heath Ledger on his Academy Award for Best Supporting Actor!
CelebJihad.com has just learned the details of what transpired between songbird and Wrigley’s Doublemint Gum salesman Chris Brown and his post-op tranny girlfriend who is known on the street only as “Rihanna”.
According to our sources, Rihanna came down with a nasty case of “sass mouth.” This heinous disease is common in women and gay men, making Rihanna’s contraction of it inevitable. You can recognize the victims of sass mouth by the excessive running of their lip, their popping off at the mouth, and their inability to know when to shut the fuck up.
Our insider tells us Chris Brown was desperate to save his manly looking lady friend from her affliction, so he administered the only known cure; a backhanded slap to her man pleaser (mouth). Alas, it was to no avail, and she continued to spout off.
Realizing the case was hopeless, Chris Brown turned himself into police just so he wouldn’t have to “listen to anymore of her yapping.”
We’ll have more on this story as it develops.
This comes from those lady-boys over at sickpigs.com. Enjoy.
