It’s Gay Pride Week, or at least that’s what my dad told me. In honor of this momentous occasion the boys at CelebJihad have gone a little gay and compiled the following list of what celebrity dick tastes like!

 

	Mike Myers’ dick tastes like it’s been fucking the same dead horse since 1997.
	Pete Wentz’s dick tastes like it wishes it was Tony Romo’s dick.
	Tony Romo’s dick tastes like Joe Simpson’s breath mints.
	Guy Richie’s dick tastes like buyer’s remorse and dusty sardines.
	Bill Engvall’s dick tasted so mind-numbing trite that I would’ve gladly taken it out of my mouth and replaced it with a loaded shotgun.
	Tom Cruise’s dick will taste like my ass if his lawyers find out I’ve implied it tastes like anything other than his beautiful wife’s vagina.
	Randy Jackson’s dick tastes like flop sweat and bacon.
	George Carlin’s dick tastes like 3 of the 7 words you can’t use on television…and formaldehyde.
	I thought that Alan Greenspan’s dick tasted like pickled herring, but it may have been Barbara Walters.
	R. Kelly’s dick tastes like our judicial system’s torn and bloodied asshole…and piss-covered Thin Mints.
	J. Alexander’s dick…I’m not even going to bother with a joke. Just fucking look at him, for fuck’s sake. What the fuck, man? What the fuck?
	Bill Clinton’s dick tastes like a bitter, angry cunt. Just kidding! It hasn’t tasted like that since the night Chelsea was conceived. These days it tastes like various hotel maids and a certain Laker Girl who’d better know how to keep her mouth shut.
	Barrack Obama’s dick tastes completely overrated, but at least he has one (ZING!)! Besides, it was a nice change of pace from having George Bush’s dick in my ass.
	The Dalai Lama’s dick tastes like it’s been in some sort of gerbil nest.
	Chris Hanson’s dick tastes like cookies and lemonade.
	Big Brown’s dick tastes like it’s been in an ass. GET IT?!
	Perez Hilton’s dick tastes like it’s been in an ass. GET IT?!
	Charlton Heston’s dick tastes like his cold, dead hand.

Not a gay dude? Don’t feel left out! Lesbians can check out our Pulitzer-Prize winning article on celebrity vagina. Bisexual? Read both. Transgender? Go fuck yourself (ZING!)!

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According to friends close to the “actress”, Lindsay Lohan has fallen off the wagon yet again. Apparently her girlfriend/pusha Samantha Ronson has gotten poor Lindsay hooked on her stank puss. Lindsay is reportedly held up with Ronson at her Hollywood home. Sources report Lindsay hasn’t slept in days and just can’t stop lapping away at Ronson nasty stank puss. They fear for her health and state of mind.

Eating stank puss (also known on the street as dumpster diving, carpet cleaning, rotten oyster shucking, Rosie O’Donnelling) is a serious albeit not widely publicized problem in America. Every year thousands of unsuspecting girls fall victim to this dangerous addiction. Here are some warning signs to look for if you think someone you love may be hooked on the stank puss.

1) Bad grades
2) Smelly fingers
3) Reclusiveness
4) Bad breath
5) Greenish tongue

If you hear someone you care about talking about trying this or exhibiting some of the warning signs please seek help immediately.

	Hey Hulk how are you doing hun?
	Not so good brother.
	Aww are you still upset about the negative PR you got for suggesting that the war veteran passenger in the car your speeding drunk driving son crashed putting him in a permanent vegetative state must of had bad karma?
	Yeah that and the fact that all these years of taking my “vitamins” have left me with tiny mouse balls.
	Oh Hulk small potatoes just make the steak look bigger. And I think you were absolutely in the right in calling out that kid for having bad karma. I recently got in a bit of hot water myself when I suggested that the tens of thousands of “innocent” Chinese that were crushed to death in a earthquake had it coming because of all the bad karma from their government not allowing my friend the Dalai Lama to have his own country.
	What! That’s ridiculous! Of course that was karma! How can the public give you shit for that? It’s almost like they’ve never seen My Name is Earl.
	I know! It’s a fantastic show and I’ve learned a lot from it. After seeing it I looked back over my life and realized what an important role karma has played in it.
	How so?
	Well in high school I got in a bit of trouble when one of the guys I was fucking knocked me up. It was awful it made me gain all this weight. Those nine months were a living hell. Every time I went out drinking or tried to do some blow I’d get sick, or the baby would kick like crazy. Not to mention I didn’t have my period once during the pregnancy, so I’m pretty sure it was drinking my menstrual blood.
	A vampire baby! I’ve heard about those.
	Yep but you know what Hulk? All that bad karma that little guy was building up came back and bit him in the ass when I gave birth and threw him in a dumpster.
	KARMA!
	Big time! Hahaha!
	You know my soon to be ex-wife Linda is suffering through some bad karma right now.
	Oh yeah?
	Yeah brother. When I married her 20 years ago she was hot and thin, but throughout our marriage she’s gradually gotten uglier and fatter.
	Ought ohh that is not good for her karma.
	Tell me about it. So I cheated on her a lot and karma got her good when she found out about it and filed for divorce.
	K-A-R-M-A!!!
	Poor woman will never find another guy with 24 inch pythons.
	Oh Hulk all this karma talk is making me super wet. Want to fist my gaping stink hole?
	You got it brother.